Rebekistan

You know you're 38 when...

2012-02-09T22:27:00.000-06:00

1. You start to be thankful for birthdays instead of regretting them. I have a feeling this has something to do with facing a life-threatening illness and then standing back in amazement (and desperation!) while God restores health and healing. Birthdays should be celebrated, not lamented. Life is a gift!
2. A night spent alone at the casa reading a book, eating leftovers, walking the dog, playing Scramble, checking blogs, posting on Facebook, reading some more, straightening just a tad, and blogging is actually a night to be relished! Sabbath rest is often elusive, but when it arrives at last is such a blessing!
3. Mornings become slightly more bearable. Okay, still not early mornings, and still not immediately upon waking. But! Once I have risen out of the bed, taken my morning walk, and sat down with a cup of coffee and opened God's Word...ahhh, the unhurried pace of a morning is bliss.
4. After years and years of putting it off, you finally succumb to drinking coffee every single morning...and you make it yourself...at your house...and you love it more than you think you ought.
5. You scoff inside when a 30 year old says they are "old."
6. You are relieved when trendy middle school girls compliment your purse. At long last, you are now adequately convinced that your purse isn't matronly. :)
7. You actually cook something in that crockpot that's been collecting dust. And, it tastes good!
8. You find yourself enjoying looking at dishes and cooking utensils when you're out shopping.
9. You file your taxes early, as in I-filed-them-yesterday-early. Wahoo!
10. Your nieces are nephews are pre-teens, teens, and young adults. Oh my, what happened to my babies? And yet, you still think they are as cute as ever.
11. You may not have actually mailed all your Christmas cards, but you're getting closer and closer every year. Purchase cards-check, collect addresses-check, order Christmas stamps-check, address envelopes-check, put stamps on them-check, sign cards-check. Sadly, this is where my good fortune left off. But still, high hopes for actually sending some next year!
12. You become a bit more of a high maintenance traveler. I hate this one! Granted, I'm still highly addicted to packing lighter than most, but find myself with more and more items I can't seem to live without for a few days.
13. You decorate your condo for holidays...incuding Valentine's Day...even when you're single. Okay, so maybe this one has nothing to do with being 38 and is simply because I'm a crazy fun person. Yes?
14. Your idea of crazy fun is a lot different than it used to be.
15. You may not consider yourself wise just yet, but you are grateful for enough life experience and grace to be able to look back at years past and see all the ways God has been faithful. You have less fear of the future when you remember struggles and triumphs of the past and what He has done through it all.
16. You enjoy historical fiction more than the latest trendy novels.
17. You think of middle aged as young. Very young.
18. You feel hip driving a honda civic.
19. You still dream of adventures, but you are so much more practical about it! Ugh.
20. You realize that you still have a lot to learn, a lot of life to live, and look forward to all that God has in store!

And with that (I was determined to finish with an even #) this young 38 year old is going to get my jammies on and read in bed to my heart's content! Good night!

Life Lessons

2012-01-12T20:54:00.000-06:00

Here are a few things God has been teaching me lately...

1. God will not be rushed. Period.

2. Repentance is good for the soul. It's even better for keeping a right relationship with my Father. As my pastor said last Sunday, "Repentance prepares us for the next thing God will do." I had a long list of things that God exposed in my heart the past couple weeks. I had monsters rising up in me like...worry, idolatry, unbelief, seeking to please people more than God. You know, just small stuff! Ha! Not small stuff at all, in fact it was really big stuff that was displeasing to God and wreaking havoc with my sense of peace and purpose.

3. I need the gospel. Everyday.

4. I can only do one thing at a time. Bringing even more freedom to my soul is the realization that God only calls me to do one thing at a time. One thing. This sounds so silly, but it has been revolutionary to me this week. I get so stressed out and anxious when I try to think about what I am expected to accomplish the next month, week, day. It doesn't seem to matter which task I am doing - I always seem to feel distraught, overwhelmed, behind, even guilty because I'm not working on X, Y, and Z that are also clamoring for my attention. This isn't healthy. Trust me. It means that I cannot focus on the task I am doing. It means I'm not enjoying that task. It means I'm not trusting God. It means I'm distracted. It means I'm not aware of God's presence with me. It means I'm even less productive. Often times, it means I'm paralyzed by my anxiety, making the current task a chore instead of a delight. Yes, I need to be a good steward of my time. I need to be diligent. I need to work hard. I need to invest in relationship. I need to worship. I need to be quiet. I need to rest. I need to sometimes do things that I don't particularly enjoy. I need to be sensitive to God leading me throughout the day. But wow, the freedom that has come in acknowledging that God is pleased by my one thing. I can do one thing in an act of obedience and worship to Him. I can rest in doing that one thing. I can do that one thing well. I can choose to silence those pesky voices that say,
"You're never going to get this done on time!" "It's going to be a mess!" "You should be able to keep it all together." "You are going to embarrass yourself." "You are a bad person because your apartment is messy." "You should have responded to this e-mail weeks ago." "You should be better at this." "You're going to fall apart." "You don't have what it takes." "You are a failure." "You aren't good enough." "So and so isn't going to be pleased with you." You're not going to do a good job." "You don't deserve to rest." "You should be better at this or that."
Ah yes, those are the voices that mess me up. However, when I accept that I can only do one thing at a time and that God only wants me to do one thing at a time, my peace is restored. It is admission that I am not in control. I repeat, I am not in control. I am not in control. Jesus holds all things together. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the Lord's purpose prevails. God is sovereign. God is good, and I can trust Him. He gives grace moment by moment, not month by month! His grace is sufficient for one thing. One thing at a time.

5. God sees me. He likes to remind me that He sees me. He gives me just the right verse at just the right time, knowing I need it's prick of conviction or I need it's balm of healing or I need it's burst of encouragement. He sees me and it makes me feel loved.

6. He is working out His plan for me. In His time. See #1.

7. Single middle-aged men are becoming more attractive than they used to be. How did that happen?!

Looking Back

2011-11-21T22:17:00.000-06:00

November 20, 2010 was a Saturday. It was the morning after my pulmonary thromboendarterectomy surgery. With a doctor close by the nurses had administered a drug to "wake" me up after 24 hours of anesthetic sleep. It felt more like 5 minutes. My first thought upon awakening was, "Oh, I've just been napping. I wonder if it's time for my surgery yet." My very next thought, likely produced by the doctors and nurses telling me it was Saturday morning and that my surgery was a success and the realization that there was a giant breathing tube down my throat, was something like this, "Wow, the surgery is over and I'm still alive!" I definitely felt a sense of relief. However, I had no idea that some of the most difficult days of my life were ahead of me as recovery from PTE is a great challenge! Those next several days in ICU were incredibly long and painful and difficult both mentally and physically. Even now, a year later, reflection brings mixed emotions. Remembering the experience is bittersweet. There are so many thoughts and emotions that have been swirling around in my heart the past few weeks. I have moments where I can't stop smiling because I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and joy that I am alive and healthy today! My heart rejoices when I remember how God redeemed my life from the pit and has set my feet in a steady place! Not only did God use the surgery to bring healing to my body, He slowly but surely delivered me from a pit of despair to a steady place of emotional and spiritual restoration and very real hope for the future. In so many ways 2010 was a desperately difficult year and in so many ways 2011 has been a wonderful year full of hope and healing and life!

And yet, the looking back is bittersweet. My physical, emotional, and spiritual heartache of those days before and after surgery spill out as tears even now. The truth is, it doesn't seem like it has already been a year, and I'm a bit sad that it has already been a year. I've been trying to figure out why I feel this way. I think it has something to do with the depth of both the struggle and the deliverance and the lessons I am still learning from both of those things. It was such a deeply significant and powerful period of time in my life that I am afraid of forgetting. Afraid of forgetting how hard it was learning that I had an incurable disease that would dramatically shorten my life. Afraid of forgetting how God met me in so many incredible ways in the midst of the despair and how He provided again and again and again. Afraid of forgetting God's goodness to me before I knew a cure was possible. Afraid of forgetting God showing me that His goodness was not based on whether He brought physical healing to me. Afraid of forgetting how my family and friends and acquaintances loved me, upheld me, cried with me, laughed with me, listened to me, walked with me, carried me, hurt with me, shared God's Word with me, and more than anything prayed and trusted God to do what only He could do. I'm afraid of forgetting how God breathed life into certain passages of Scripture that anchored me. I'm afraid of forgetting how much peace God gave me the week before surgery. Afraid of forgetting how by God's grace I was able to look death in the face and say, "You don't scare me." I never want to forget going to sleep the night before my surgery and the next morning kissing my parents goodbye as they wheeled me to the operating room with the overwhelming peace to know, "To live is Christ and to die is gain." I never ever want to forget that truth planted in me by facing a surgery inherent with great risk and yet knowing I had the assurance that I would spend eternity with Jesus. I'm afraid of forgetting that Jesus really is all I need and want and have. If I lived through the surgery I would get Jesus and if I died from the surgery I would get Jesus. Jesus either way! Surely that one truth is enough to make me not want to forget, don't you think?

And yet, there's so much more I don't want to forget! I don't want to forget how hard recovery was because it makes me grateful for today and it makes me compassionate for people who have to endure so much more than I did. The list goes on and on in my head and heart of moments and memories that I don't want to lose. Those days are full of so much significance. Those days are full of so many lessons I still want to learn along with so many more applications from those lessons I still need to address in my life. Those days are full of richness.

Reflecting upon the richness brings me to this place one year later with an unexpected sense of grief. I'm actually not quite sure whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that I'm not ready to let go. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm not still in the midst of those darkest of days! But at the same time, I'm sad about the passing of a year and the distance between those days and now. I don't want to say goodbye to those days. I wonder if and how God could ever work in my life in such a profound way again? I find myself thinking, "Oh God, please don't ever send me back into a furnace that hot!" The fire was so hot and so dark that many days I couldn't see or feel or hear God. I didn't know where He was or what He was doing. However, looking back with the ability to see from the outside in, I can see Jesus in the furnace there with me. No doubt, the time that has passed has given me the perspective I need to be able to see Him there, or rather to see Him more clearly there. Now I can see Him there with me in the flames and in the fire and in the deliverance and in the pain and in the healing and in the restoration. This year I have often been reminded of the account when Moses asked to see God's glory...

Moses said, "Please show me your glory." And He said, "I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The Lord.' And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy. But," He said, "you cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live." And the Lord said, "Behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will take away my hand, and you shall see my back, but my face shall not be seen." (Exodus 33:18-23 ESV)

I believe this explains why there were days when I couldn't see God. I believe that God was actually so very present and active that His glory would have shined too much brightness for my little eyes to see! I believe it was His grace that hid me in the cleft of the rock until He passed by. (There were many times in the hospital before and after surgery when the words of the familiar hymn would play in my head..."and covers me there with his hand, and covers me there with his hand.") The passing of time has been a bit hard to accept this week, but it also brings me great joy and delight as I recognize that God has now removed His hand and has allowed me to look back and see His glory and to see where He has been! What a wonderful thing to not only look back and remember the struggle, but to see Him there with me and to praise Him for all He was doing! This is God's gift of the passing of a year, and what wonderful gift it is!

14 Gifts

2011-05-27T20:03:00.001-05:00

Today has been a most marvelous day - a day off work and with absolutely nowhere I had to be! I love my life and enjoy all the things that fill it up, but I also treasure the times of rest and relating! Here's what I'm thankful for on this day...

1. Sleeping in this morning
2. Being healthy enough to walk to Starbucks
3. Starbucks
4. A nice long chat on the phone with my lovely friend Abby all the way from Istanbul
5. Having a friend like Abby who doesn't just pray for me, but always makes a point to pray out loud on the phone together. I love that she prays for God to give me "happy patience!"
6. "He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32
7. Meeting up with Kasey spur-o-the-moment at the mall to do a little leisurely shopping
8. Making an impromptu appointment and getting my hair cut
9. A great haircut (but still long!) that looks and feels so much better on my little punkin head :)
10. Laughing on the phone with Linda and talking to sweet little Katie too
11. Finally finishing my outline of the book of Acts
12. A quiet night at home
13. Getting ready to enjoy my leftover delicious tilapia from dinner last night
14. Seeing my name on a flight itinerary to Israel in 55 days!

Happy Birthday!

2011-05-19T19:37:00.000-05:00

Today is the 6 month anniversary of my PTE surgery!!! It feels like a new kind of birthday to celebrate when I got my life back afresh! I continue to feel great and grateful for all that God has done for me! I was reading in 2 Corinthians yesterday and was amazed at these words in chapter 1. I had tears in my eyes - not of sadness, but of joy! Joy that I am on the other side and joy that I have been rescued! Thank you all for sharing in my suffering and now sharing in my joy! If I could write with the skill and inspiration of Paul, I would like to say something like this...

2 Corinthians 1:6-11 (The Message Paraphrase)
When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you're just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you're going to make it, no doubt about it.

We don't want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he's the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he'll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. You and your prayers are part of the rescue operation—I don't want you in the dark about that either. I can see your faces even now, lifted in praise for God's deliverance of us, a rescue in which your prayers played such a crucial part.

For Moms, Former Moms, and Wannabe Moms

2011-05-06T11:12:00.000-05:00

For Moms, Former Moms, and Wannabe Moms

This is an incredible article which provides truth for all kinds of women on Mother's Day - single women like me who long to be a mommy some day or married women who keep praying and hoping for a baby despite much frustration and sorrow and women who are faced everyday with the intense challenge of loving and caring for their children in a Christlike way. I hope each of you finds the encouragement you need on this wonderful, but sometimes difficult day!

And P.S. I really love my MAMA! :)

Psalm 30 on April 30

2011-04-30T11:13:00.005-05:00

Psalm 30
"I will exalt you, LORD, for you rescued me. You refused to let my enemies triumph over me. O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health. You brought me up from the grave, O LORD. You kept me from falling into the pit of death." (verses 1-3)

"I cried out to you, O LORD. I begged the Lord for mercy, saying, 'What will you gain if I die, if I sink into the grave? Can my dust praise you? Can it tell of your faithfulness? Hear me, LORD, and have mercy on me. Help me, O LORD.' You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." (verses 8-12)

My death was not immediately imminent last year when I was ill. It was, however, threatened to come within only a couple years. On November 17th, my San Diego doctor, the amazingly kind Dr. Bill Auger, was explaining the results of several days of testing and explaining my possibilities, and particularly explaining the complicated pulmonary thromboendarterectomy surgery.

My family and I knew that I was ill, we knew that pulmonary hypertension was serious, and we knew that God had provided the possibility of this surgery. However, we did not know exactly how severe the pulmonary hypertension was. I had heard just bits and pieces from previous doctors and had read information online, but that is different. Different than hearing that in the main measurement they use to determine the severity of the effect of high pressure between my heart and lungs, my level was in the 900's, instead of around 125 or so (if I'm remembering this correctly). Not good. Dr. Auger explained the surgery and lined out my specific level of risks - risk of various complications, risk of death. From what he could tell, it looked like my mortality rate for this surgery was somewhere between 2-3%. Slightly better than average. Then he gave us my three options.

Option 1: Continue on with my life without any major medicinal treatment. Also with option 1, a 20% chance that I would still be alive in 2 years.

Option 2: Begin intense and expensive medicinal and oxygen therapy for the rest of my life with no guarantee that I would dramatically improve. Actually, I believe about 20% of the people show marked improvement. However, treatment does not cure the pulmonary hypertension, but merely lessens some of the symptoms. Many people's situation continues to get worse leading to heart failure even with the treatments available (which have their own risks) and so longterm studies are not available.

Option 3: Agree to having the pulmonary thromboendarterectomy with known risks. Of course, no guarantees were made, but the possibility and HOPE of completely being cured of the pulmonary hypertension was within reach.

We aren't exactly rocket scientists, but my parents and I immediately agreed that Option 3 was the way to go! :) God had provided! 6-7 weeks prior we first heard about the surgery and that I was a possible candidate. We spent those weeks making travel and lodging arrangements, obtaining my Houston medical records, filling out LOTS of paperwork, completing a living will and power of attorney, dealing with medical insurance, making schedules with the San Diego medical team, learning everything I could about the surgery, and asking for LOTS of prayer! However, it wasn't until this very moment around a table with Dr. Auger after examining my results of a specific type of heart catheterization I had that morning that we knew for sure I could have the surgery! They said "YES" and we said "YES" and "Praise the Lord, let's do this thing!" And this is why I say with the psalmist, "O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!" for He really did refuse to let my enemies triumph over me. He really did restore my health. He really did bring me up from the grave and keep me from falling into the pit of death. He really did hear me and have mercy on me. He really did turn my mourning into dancing and exchanged my mourning clothes into clothes of joy! Your story and journey isn't the same as mine. God's plan for you is different. But, this I know, every word of God proves true and what He really did for me, He will really do for you.

Beautiful things

2011-04-24T20:08:00.002-05:00

I'm learning something new. I'm learning that God can bring hope, comfort, and healing retrospectively. Sounds strange, doesn't it? Before I explain, let's take a step back, shall we? A little over a year ago I began a very difficult process and journey of discovering I had a life-altering and life-threatening illness. While trying to keep some semblance of my regular life, relationships, work and ministry, I spent months and months filled with bad news and doctor visits and scary medical tests and procedures and phone calls and medications and oxygen treatment and fatigue and prayer and tears and fears and more questions than answers. The most difficult journey of my life. It was a year of survival mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Survival meant that time and energy and capacity for processing all that was happening was quite minimal. I believe I am just now beginning to really process and hopefully glean what God has for me.
However, looking back into such a dark time is difficult, even on this side of the storm. So...I begin to tiptoe my way into this next step. The good thing is that I can still remember how I felt in so many of those moments and days. Here's where the retrospective (perhaps retroactive?) healing comes in. A few times during the past couple months I have found myself singing a worship song or reading a scripture when it hits me. I am filled with hope and faith and trust, but not just for now in the present. It's like myself from last year gets filled up with faith and assurance that everything is going to be okay. It seems almost silly to me to have the faith now. I mean, is faith after the fact really faith at all? I'm not sure I really understand it, but it seems like God is giving me this great gift of infusing my current faith into all the pain of last year. I can sing the songs and I can read the promises of God with the fullest measure of belief and rest without the darkness overwhelming the light. I had a measure of faith last year. The mustard seed variety. I clung to the hope that God's Word offered. I sang songs with tears streaming down my face with a prayer that my heart could really believe the words I was singing, but my hope was fighting with hopelessness and the faith was fighting with fear and the darkness made it hard to see ahead.
It's so much different now. Now I can sing the songs and read the scripture passages and I can say to myself, "See Rebecca, it really is okay. Your God really did come through. You really are going to make it. God really is good. God really keeps His promises. Believe, believe, believe!" I look back and see a hope which was slight and timid and bravely (or not so bravely) trying to accept whatever road or plan God had for me. I wanted to believe that God could do a miracle, but the sorrow and disappointment and fear seemed to drown out the voice of faith. But now, my faith is made stronger. My Jesus has infused my faith with his resurrection power that is not timid. My faith now shouts, "My God is able! You can trust Him!" What a mystery how the darkest foreboding clouds fade into a mere backdrop for sunlight to break through. I'm telling you, this God of Easter - this life from the dead kind of God - He's good. He's really really good.

All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come out of from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in me

You make me new
You are making me new
You make me new
You are making me new

-Gungor

You have GOT to see this!

2011-04-20T16:16:00.006-05:00

This is a live stream of an eagle nest in Decorah, Iowa. I can't stop watching! Right now it's dinner time and the three baby eagles are being fed some fish!
http://www.ustream.tv/decoraheagles

Time after Time

2011-04-09T09:40:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite things about friendship is knowing someone over a period of time...as in years and more years. God has been abundantly kind to me in the friendships He has given me to share this journey of life! In the past seven days I've been connecting and reconnecting with some of my "old friends" (not old in age of course!). I sent a funny picture of a crush I had in college to my best friend of 19 years, Rebecca, who lives across the country in San Diego. One of the greatest things about Rebecca is that she has grown up with me! She shares those silly memories of us talking about boys, reading Elisabeth Elliott, and dreaming of what our futures would hold. She knows how nervous I used to be around that boy I had a crush on who now is happily married, writes amazing worship songs for the church, and has the straggly-est bushy-est goatee I've ever seen -bleh...I'm just saying, one Charlie Hall in the world is enough! :) She KNOWS me and I KNOW her and that is such a safe place to be in a friendship. And, do you know that God planned before either one of us were born that the place I would be sent to San Diego for surgery last November, the toughest three weeks of my life, just so happened to be where she and her husband and two little boys are living? I'm telling you, God is good!

I've also been Facebooking like crazy with my friend Linda the past week or two. We have so many inside jokes it's crazy and we just crack each other up! Even though we haven't lived in the same state since our Southern Seminary days, we've kept in touch. One of the blessings of last year's health stuff was the way that Linda and I grew even closer as she hurt and hoped with me through the journey. Linda now lives outside of Chicago with Mark and their girls and I'm hoping to get to go visit for some in-person laughter later this year!

Speaking of in-person, for the first time in about 3 years my friends Will and Kristi came to visit all the way from Louisville this week! Will and I spent several years working together when we were both new to Tallowood. I have great memories of him doing the electric slide past my office door, eating doodle soup at the Testosterhome, and my favorite - watching him fall madly in love with Kristi who showed up for a summer, but ended up becoming Will's wife and one of my closest friends! Knowing them then and watching them now with their three ADORABLE foster/soon-to-be forever family kiddos is truly amazing! I can't get over how fun it is so see God's faithfulness in the lives of my friends. God sometimes does dramatic things in a moment's time, but more often He's working things out and accomplishing His purposes over a period of years, and THAT is what I love to see!

I also had the joy of reconnecting with one of my roommates, and adopted little sister, from my time in Turkey who is now planning to serve along with her husband and sweet baby boy working among Austrians and Turks in Austria. How fun is that?! She has been married several years now and living up in Boston so yesterday was the first opportunity I had to get to know my Kimberlytasim's husband as we spent an hour or two catching up and sharing our hearts and visions for the future. I told her husband as I was leaving that if I could have handpicked a husband for her, it would have been him. He is just so well suited to her. It was fun to hear how God has been leading them, spend time praying with them, and now looking forward to partnering with them in prayer as they look forward to what God has planned!

And, that's not all! As if the week wasn't already good enough, my friend Annetta blew into town like a breath of fresh air yesterday all the way from Australia! She looked beautiful as ever and it was special to see the beautiful things God has been teaching and birthing in her the past 9 months down under. It did my heart good to hear her stories, share some of my own, and pray with her like the good ol' days!

All that to say, my heart is full this morning as I reflect on the past week and am so grateful for the dear friends He not only has placed in my life, but also has KEPT in my life. Good stuff!
Rebecca--------------------------
Sent using BlackBerry

Can you hear me now?

2011-03-29T20:34:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we hear God's voice. How do we hear when He is asking us to do something specific or telling us not to do something else? Obviously, Scripture is full of God speaking to us and although we may all-too-often (knowingly or unknowingly) tweak God's perfect Words to fit our own liking or limited understanding, it is also true that most of God's desire for our lives is clear and easy to understand in His Word. We have no shortage of commands to obey or warnings to heed. But, although I've walked with Jesus a long time and heard Him speak to me so many times in different ways, I still find myself confused sometimes. Sometimes I so clearly hear and understand the path He wants me to take. Other times, it is all muddled and it's like we have a bad connection and it's full of static.

I believe there are times when God is silent or when He speaks more softly to sift my heart and make me draw a little closer to Him and strain just a little harder to hear what He's saying. But, I also believe that most likely the problem with the reception has more to do with me the receiver than it does with the Sender! And why are there certain areas in my life where I hear Him clearly and other areas where I have repeatedly misinterpreted His voice or so obviously (in hindsight) made up my own thoughts and yet sincerely believed they were His thoughts? This is frustrating to me. It makes me doubt myself, doubt God, doubt that I can hear His voice at all, and doubt whether I should seek His purpose about a specific issue or question. I'm incredibly grateful that not only is God completely sovereign, but also that I believe it enough to find the rest and beauty in that truth. Therefore, even in my confusion over hearing His voice regarding a matter, I am confident that His plan cannot be thwarted. He will fulfill His purpose for me. I have plans in my heart but His purpose prevails. Yes, this brings me great peace and confidence in my God! But! I also really want to be obedient. I want to treat every decision as a spiritual decision. I don't want to blindly walk into something crossing my fingers or assuming that God will just go along with my plan. If my plan brings pain or temptation or struggle, I want to know if it's just because I was being stupid in walking into something that wasn't wise, discipline for disobedience, or merely just part of the refining process which comes even when we are walking in obedience. So this is why it matters to me that I learn to hear God's voice clearly. That I put myself in the best position for that to happen. I have to remember that God reveals Himself. That is a huge part of who He is. His nature. He is not hiding from me. Wooing me, yes, but not hiding Himself or His will from me. He also desires that I be like Him. He desires that I obey Him. He desires that my life is best used up for His glory every day. He desires to speak to me. He desires purity in me. Perhaps that is why He lets these questions bother me.

He knows that as I ask the questions and struggle with hearing Him that I'll discover sin that clogs my ears. He'll open my eyes to see places where I have been deceived. He'll show me where I have made idols. I guess sometimes I don't really want to hear what He has to say or want to see the sin and lies I've been believing and living. It's because I doubt God's goodness is what it is. I'm only afraid of what He might say about something because I don't always truly believe that His plans for me are good, that obedience - no matter the cost - is always better and for my good. I don't always believe that everything I "give up" is nothing compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Him. Oh, but I want to believe that! Even now as I write, God is sweetly talking to me, reminding me that I can hear Him. What an incredible marvelous thing! Oh God, make me brave enough to look at my heart with your eyes, clear out the static, and tune my heart to hear You when You speak because I can trust You. You are good, You are good, You are good, You are...

CaringBridge

2010-11-08T09:50:00.005-06:00

I may keep posting here on Rebekistan from time to time, but I've created a CaringBridge site specifically for health updates and coming surgery in San Diego on November 19th. Thanks for praying! :)

Health Update

2010-10-02T16:28:00.000-05:00

God is good!

Despite His great faithfulness in the past, there have been times along this journey where I have been incredibly afraid and have doubted God’s goodness and even his love for me. It was during one such fearful moment back in May when God showed me this promise in Exodus 33:14, “The Lord replied, ‘I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.’” And once again, I can see that He has proven Himself faithful to His Word and continues to “personally” go with me!

My angiogram in August confirmed that I indeed have blood clots blocking the flow to/in my lungs which disqualified me for the clinical study. However, thanks to God’s grace, the sign of blood clots is actually a good thing because that means that there is an identifiable reason for the pulmonary hypertension. Not only is there a reason, but there is also a way to fix it – a cure! A cure for something that I had been told was incurable! HOPE. I just found out on Wednesday that I am a good candidate for a rare procedure called a Pulmonary Thromboendarectomy (PTE) in which these old blood clots are removed from the pulmonary arteries. I will be having the surgery in San Diego at UCSD where a team of doctors has performed more of these than anywhere else in the world, currently about three times a week. Also, my best friend and her family just so happen to live in San Diego which is a really cool miracle!

I am scheduled to fly to San Diego on November 14^th, spend a couple days in testing at their facility, and assuming all goes well will have my surgery at 6:00 a.m. on Friday, November 19^th. I am very excited, and my family is working on getting excited. J It is a very serious open chest surgery and I will likely be in ICU for several days and then in the hospital another week to 10 days. My mom and dad and sister will all be with me for the surgery and we will spend a very grateful Thanksgiving in the hospital! I will stay in San Diego for another couple weeks and then return to Houston around the second week of December for complete recovery. Let me know if you have any questions, serious or otherwise!

I continue to be humbled by your love and sustained by your prayers.

When life gives you lemons...

2010-08-29T00:07:00.003-05:00

It seems I've been making bucket-fulls of lemonade lately. Frankly, sometimes what life has been handing me seems a bit worse than lemons. So...my sister and nephew and I started coming up with "When life gives you poop" sayings. My quick-witted nephew came up with, "When life gives you poop, make pottery!" Disgusting? Yes. But, oh it makes me laugh! And well, I came up with something equally as gross, but in a different way, "When life gives you poop, make frozen hot chocolate!" Truth is, I recently found this yummy recipe for this cool tasty treat (no poop needed) and I made myself some this morning in the midst of a very difficult 24 hours. Here's some other ways I've been learning, albeit somewhat slowly, to make lemonade or frozen hot chocolate, if you will. And believe me, you will! (Linda, that was just for you!)

When life started giving me too many trips to the med center for clinic visits and fun things like ekgs, bubble tests, stress tests, echocardiograms, pulmonary function tests, CT scans, blood work, etc. I started going to The Chocolate Bar or to get a Crave cupcake (better than Sprinkles) afterwards. And even better, I had coffee and lunches and retail therapy with incredible friends/chauffeurs/moral support/scribes. :)

When life gave me a day at the hospital for a right heart cath, I brought my mama for a 10 day visit from New Jersey! Yea!

When life gave me pulmonary arterial hypertension: a life-threatening and non-curable (by man) yet treatable (in often life-alterable and painful and emotionally difficult ways I'm discovering), I became a magazine, book, and Redbox junkie to keep me from freaking out when I'm trying to go to sleep. Okay, so this one is not quite to the lemonade stage.

When life gave me an angiogram and implanted IVC filter, I tried to enjoy a day out of the office and quality time with my sister and my blue cuddly blanket that says Methodist Hospital.

When life gave me oxygen tanks and a "nose hose" when I'm walking around the neighborhood, I made several calls to the Dr's office to get smaller tanks and a trip to pick out an overpriced but extremely cute Vera Bradley backpack to carry Roxy around in. Side note: Roxy is my very cute and stylish petite oxygen tank who is very much unlike Oxy Moron who is the very awkward and heavy oxygen tank on that awful metal cart.

When life gave me 5 days of twice daily injections in my stomach, I went to the Boedekers after Saturday night worship for my first injection and dinner and football and conversation and mama and papa bear hugs.

And when life gave me Coumadin...hmmm, any ideas? I am leaving for a FABULOUS VACATION tomorrow with a fabulous friend, but what about after that?

Okay, so truth is that my Jehovah covenant-keeping God is giving me just a sip of lemonade at just the right moments to keep me from totally drowning in all this junk, and I'm not making much of the lemonade at all. And I have to believe in some mysterious way that God is moved to respond on my behalf because of many of you who are fighting in intercession for me. Even though I don't always feel it, I know your prayers are working and that God is indeed with me. And He must, because his Word promises, be working good for me and glory for Himself out of this. One day I'll be able to see. As much as I love to savor the sour sweetness of a Chick-fil-A lemonade, I'd love to see his glory made known all the more!

Now, don't be thinking me more spiritual than I am just because I said that. Truth is, I was curled up on the floor shut up in my sister's closet earlier today. My faith is minuscule. I am too prone to pity parties and self-absorption. I am not rejoicing in my suffering. BUT, only by His grace I am choosing to believe right now in this moment that my God does keep his promises. Choosing to believe that this present suffering will pale in comparison to his glory to be revealed. Choosing to believe that like Jesus, for the joy set before me I can endure this cross - these moments that feel like deaths to me. Choosing to believe that the same power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead lives in me. Choosing to believe that the Holy Spirit of Promise, my Advocate alongside me and the very seal that I belong to God forever is near, within, surrounding me through every doctor visit, every procedure, every phone call with painful news, every stomach injection, every walk with oxygen, every moment of fear, panic, anger and sorrow. My Father, my Jesus, my Comforter is near. My soul, wait thou only upon God, for my expectation (my HOPE) is from Him. Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

Novemberlicious

2009-11-10T16:23:00.018-06:00

While I'm not nearly as ambitious as my friend Kasey who's determined to blog every single day in November, I decided I'd try for at least one post this month! For some reason, it's like I've jarred my brain in such a way by trying to post that alas, I cannot think of even one thing to say...well, at least not at least one thing that has any smidgen of significance. So yep, I'm resorting to the picture post with a few pics from my trip to Israel in July...so I'm a just a little late!

Craziness - The youth staff at Tell Dan, our very first day of touring in Israel...not sure, but I'm guessing Jerome just said something about not wanting to take his picture with me or something!

Here's Shirley (one of my favorite people) and I on a boat out on the Sea of Galilee.

Okay, so I feel like this is kind of a nerdy picture of me, but I'm standing in the Sea of Galilee which is really super cool if you think about it!

This is my Jerusalem team (AKA "My Little Chickens") standing in front of the Eastern Gate of the old city wall around Jerusalem...One day Jesus is coming through there!!!

My favorite picture from the trip...Jerome explaining the site of the Temple Mount. Wow, what a journey it was to get to this point of bringing our students to be a blessing to Jerusalem.

Every Tribe & Tongue Night

2009-09-24T10:36:00.003-05:00

Last night was so much fun! First of all, three foreign exchange students came with their friends - from China, Norway, and Germany - and they each read John 3:16 in their language. :) Throughout the night we watched a Botswanan gospel rap video, worshipped in English, heard prayer in Spanish, enjoyed Scripture read in German, Norwegian, Chinese, French, Hebrew, Spanish, Latin and Piglatin, saw Scripture in sign language, and I spoke a bit in Turkish! And on top of all that, I got to share the gospel. How fun is that?! What a beautiful night!

Please pray!

2009-09-23T15:39:00.003-05:00

Tonight at Impact, our high school Bible study, we are having "Every Tribe & Tongue Night!" I would love, love, love it if all of you would pray for a few things:
1) Pray that our students would invite their friends, especially those that speak other languages and are from different cultures.
2) Pray that students would come who need to hear the gospel and that their hearts would be open to receive and respond to truth.
3) Pray that our students reading Scripture, our student led worship band, and me as I teach would all point people to Jesus!
4) Pray that students would respond to God in belief and in capturing his heart for all peoples to know Him!

Thanks so much!

I'm going to Israel!

2009-07-14T12:00:00.002-05:00

In fact, I'm leaving in about an hour...leaving for the airport that is and then I'll be flying, along with a whole crew of high school students and adults to Tel Aviv, Israel! Yipppeee! I've been looking forward to this day for months and months and finally it's here. We will be touring the Holy Land for 4 days and then we will split up into 5 teams going to Haifa, Ashdod, Nazareth, Galilee, and Jerusalem and volunteering with different organizations doing tons of different things. My team will be in Jerusalem and we will be working with Shevet Achim, a ministry that loves of Kurdish children coming to Israel for life-saving heart surgeries, and also with the International Prayer Center. I absolutely cannot wait! I would love your prayers on our behalf and especially on behalf of the all of the different people we will meet - Jews, Palestinians, Kurds...and whoever else!

You can read our updates at www.tallohoodtoday.com and see prayer guides at www.worshipinaction.net. Thanks so much and I'll let you know how things go when I get back!

You should read this blog...and no, I don't mean mine!

2009-06-09T15:47:00.002-05:00

My life is crazy getting ready for Camp, Senior Boat Trip, mini-mission to South Texas Children's Home and our high school trip to Israel and lots of stuff in between! I am trying to trust God's provision for daily manna and not completely panic. Honestly, most days I fail to trust and have been a been panicky when I look to tomorrow instead of living in the moment. Each day has enough trouble of it's own and God has been gracious each day. My goal and vision for the summer has been to merely survive. I know that's not God's best for me though! Just today, I purposed in my heart, if nothing else, to know Him better and to see Him bigger by the end of the summer. In all of my weakness, I have little doubt that He can reveal Himself to me in ways that I need. Yet another trail of life's journey that will lead me to deeper places of trust. I become less that He may become greater. Pray that I will keep this heart as I plow through the busyness and stress. Pray that I will rest in Him and continually seek his face in all things.

But alas, I really am posting because I just read this incredible story on a blog. It's really cool and I think you should check it out. Only takes a minute...LOVE146

Happy Mother's Day and Why I Love My Mama!

2009-05-09T10:41:00.013-05:00

Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”

Proverbs 31:28-29

I know that lots of Hallmark greeting cards say something like, "To the World's Best Mom," but here's the truth - and I don't say that word "truth" lightly - my mama is the world's best. I'm 35 years old and I've met and heard about a lot of other mothers. Mothers who win gold medals in the Olympics, mothers who are successful businesswomen, mothers who homeschool and sew all their children's clothes, mothers who are gourmet chefs, Martha Stewart mothers who keep an immaculate house, mothers who always look "together," mothers who have an amazing teaching ministry, mothers who travel the world, and sadly, I've heard of lots of mothers who don't really mother at all. But then, there's my mama. Nobody is better at mothering than she is. Really, nobody. She has three children who still adore her and don't have any "mother issues" as grown adults. :) Seriously, that's a rarity these days!

My mom is so good at mothering and nurturing and loving people that she loves on lots of other children, young people, and adults who need a little extra mothering. I couldn't begin to list all the people that call my mama, "Mom." All kinds of people. "Fixed" people and broken people. Big black men (my mom is smiling right now because she knows exactly who I'm talking about!) and petite white ladies. People who are making right choices and people making hurtful choices. Loveable and unlovable people. You see my mama is just good at loving. Not that it's easy for her to love so much, sometimes it's very hard and sometimes hurtful. Sometimes, we live up to her hopes for us and sometimes we don't. Sometimes she doesn't see the "payoff" of so much investing. But! She keeps loving anyway. And that makes her amazing.

Sometimes I wonder how my mom can love so much. I think it's because she's been loved by God so much. She knows the incredible difference that God's love made in her own life. And she wants other people to know that too. She continues to be the godliest woman I know. I also think she's good at loving because she had a mom and dad that loved her very much.

I also think she's good at loving because she had a mom and dad that loved her very much. So today, I'm thankful for them too because even though they died when I was really young, so much of who I am is because of who they were. If they hadn't loved my mama so, I'm pretty sure it would be harder for her to love me the way she does.

Here are just a few of the ways my mama loves me so well...

On any given day, whether I was 5 years old or 35 years old, she will always give me the last bite of her cookie.
When I go home to visit, she still comes into my room to say goodnight and “tuck me in.”
She fights in prayer for me and my joy and purpose at times when I can’t fight for myself.
When she had to face breast cancer, she was concerned about how the news would affect me.
When I was a teenager she would take me bargain shopping at Foley’s Red Apple sales so that I could look cooler than we could actually afford. ;)
She does little things to make me feel special like putting a miniature rose in a vase by my bed and pulling back my covers.
She thinks everything I write is just wonderful.
She saw what God could do through me when other people didn’t see it yet.
She graciously supported me whenever I’ve gone on a mission trip or even when I moved to Turkey even though it was really difficult to let me go. She and my dad were even brave enough to travel for their very first time over the ocean to come visit me!
When I was little and would get sick in the night and would walk to her bedroom, she would immediately wake up and say, “What’s the matter Baby?” as soon as my little foot stepped inside the room.
No matter my age or stage in life, she still thinks I’m the neatest thing since sliced bread.
She went back to work as a kindergarten teacher when I was in junior high so that she could pay for my sister and brother and I to get braces and go to college!
Last year she flew to Houston just to be at my birthday party that my sister planned for me – my sister, Kate, is really good at nurturing and loving too!
She drove Kate and I to hundreds and hundreds of dance classes growing up – not to mention coming to – and actually loving – all of our recitals. (I guess the greater miracle is that my sweet dad came to all of those recitals too!)
She taught me about Jesus and of God’s great faithfulness…so many times I think of how she made us read our Bibles 10 minutes every day.

In a million teensy ways (many that I’ve never even seen) and lots of huge life-changing ways, my mama has loved me well and I’m so very grateful.

So, Mama, thank you. Thank you for loving me the way that you do. Thank you for so much willing sacrifice for me. Thank you for making me a mostly well-adjusted happy person! J I know God loves me because of you. I love God because of you. The way you mothered me, the way you love on so many people, matters. It makes a difference, an eternal difference. Thank you. I love you so very much.

What was I thinking?

2009-05-05T16:30:00.004-05:00

I don't know what I was thinking saying I was going to post soon! Did I actually think my life was going to slow down at all? Admittedly, part of the problem is the fact that I don't have a laptop/internet at mi casa and let's just say that while amazing in its own right, my blackberry is not exactly conducive to blogging. And well, when I'm at work I actually try and do real work most of the time. :) And when I'm done working, I don't really want to stick around the office. Do you see my dilemma? Ergggg, even now I'm trying to focus on this, but feeling guilty because my pup is at home crossing her legs and anxiously awaiting my arrival. I know, I know, I'm being a drama queen, right? How is it that some people do this posting thing multiple times a day - especially people with jobs! I guess if I had to choose between a rich and full real life and a rich and full blogging life, I'd choose real life any day. And...apparently that's what I'm going to keep doing. Starting now. I'm still planning to post soon, just not when I'd rather be going home and taking a nice, long walk with the pooch. And then I plan to sit on my loveseat w/a tasty basic sandwich and read my Israel travel book (I'm going there with our high school students this summer!). And then I plan on doing a bit of laundry and perhaps adding the final touches to the desk I repainted a week or so ago. And who knows, maybe I'll even do a little straightening. Wow, sounds exciting, doesn't it? Try to curb your jealousy of my "real" life. :) Actually, on this Tuesday evening with absolutely nowhere to be, a boring night at home sounds absolutely amazing! Hope you get to live life to its fullest and have your own incredibly dull evening at home soon. Shalom.

Coming soon!

2009-04-27T09:54:00.006-05:00

Okay, so don't have a heart attack, but guess what?!? I'm still alive and I'll post something soon, I promise...my life has been a bit on the crazy side with lots of stuff to tell, but the ironic thing is that when I've actually got stuff going on to talk about I'm so busy I don't have the time to blog about it. So, in lieu of just burying my blog in the abyss of the dead I've decided to try and revive it! But alas, I'm currently at work and so you'll just have to wait a bit longer. I know, I know, I'm killing all 3 of my adoring fans (once upon a time, there were 6 of you, but apparently my absence hasn't made your hearts grow fonder), but I don't want to overdo it my first time back on the saddle. However, just to reward you for still checking this thing, here's a couple pics from my recent road trip with the youth staff and crew to make some final plans for Camp Tallowood!

Yes, we are ridiculous...this was like an old school family vacation except none of us are actually related. We ate lunch here in Lampasas after we picked up a hundred cedar posts. And yes, we ate fried porkchops, mash potatoes, green beans w/bacon, and chocolate cake and drank sweet tea! We passed on the daily special of rocky mountain oysters...and no, I'm not kidding.

Okay, so not the most exciting pic at the cedar yard, but it's the only pic that has my good friend, Kay, in it as she was our resident photographer!

The bossman and I enjoying some amazing icecream fountain drinks in Uvalde at the local drugstore soda fountain. This was just moments before Jerome tried to pawn me off on some creepy old married man who walked in and wanted to put his arm around me for the picture and said he wished he was still single. Gee Jerome, thanks for having such high standards for me.

Winter is here!

2008-12-10T12:19:00.002-06:00

I cannot believe I haven't posted ANYTHING since October! I truly don't want to be a blogging hasbeen, but I'm slipping that way very very fast. Yikes!

Today is one of those rare and wonderful really cold days in H-town (well, that's 35 degrees cold, which for the likes of us is quite chilly!) Unfortunately, it's a bit chilly inside the office as well. Thankfully, I brought my scarf to bundle up at my desk. Apparently, these Baptists have a very high addiction to air-conditioning.

And now, a couple hours later, it's actually snowing here - even getting some decent sized snowflakes. I'm trying to muster up more excitement about it to match everyone else's, but it's kind of hard. Guess I've spent too much time in Kentucky, Turkey, and New Jersey to be overly impressed! Still, I am glad it actually feels like winter here instead of the 75 muggy degrees it was yesterday.

Here's a few pics from last week when my friend, Rebecca, was here! I got to meet her little boy, Samuel Porter, for the first time. He is absolutely beautiful, sweet, and precious! Too bad none of the ones of me and Becca turned out too good...but here's some of Porter and his Aunt Becca.

Apparently we have lots to say to each other in this one. Here are Blake and Brayden, Rebecca's nephews with me. I've known them both since they were babies too! :)

Happy Friday! Don't forget to vote!

2008-10-31T16:00:00.009-05:00

Can you tell we're sisters? :) Kate and I went out for a very fancy dinner at The Melting Pot to celebrate her birthday. It was an amazing amazing meal of everything (except salad) fondue style that you cook at your table...breads and raw veggies in cheese, about 4 kinds of meat and ravioli and potatoes and broccoli and mushrooms that you cook in a flavored broth, and the ultimate desert experience of life changing bananas foster fondue with cheesecake, regular and chocolate marshmallows, sponge cake, bananas, strawberries, rice crispie treat, brownies dipped in the banana white chocolately cinnamony gooey goodness. The entire experience was so much fun and there's noone else I would have wanted to share it with!

Kate getting ready to dip some bread in the fancy cheese...

and me being cheesey (HAHAHAHAHA)

And then last weekend our junior staff here at church had our second annual Hallo-Wii party. We had sooooooo much fun even though we did wish Scott and Abby and Will and Kristi and Rob and Lynda could have all come back for the event! The costumes were amazing...couple of rednecks, James Bond, Kris Kross, Ed McMahan and prize winning housewife, Hurricane Ike and tree-trimming, electric repair man, Sarah Palin, a very very young olympic Chinese gymnast, and yours truly as a Starbuck's barista with her very HOTT cup of Venti Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate!

Yep, here I am getting my crunk on during the worst ever attempt at Guitar Hero.

Me and my cocoa. Is she absolutely fabulous or what?!? She was simply amazing and has already inspired at least 3 people to copy her idea...it did take some work for us to convert that laundry basket into a very authentic looking cup of coffee complete with cardboard sleeve. Yep, that STIR STICK was all my doing.

Not sure if you can see my fake nose ring...you know, part of my emo barista look!

My favorite pic from the night. How cute is she?

The Z-Man

2008-10-17T16:12:00.005-05:00

So, you know I live with my newly 10 year old nephew, Zach...well, I also live with my sis and her hubby, but they aren't nearly so entertaining. At least not this week. So just for kicks, here's a recent convo shortly after Z-Man comes running into the living room after he's taken his bath. Side note: he's always running because there is only one thing faster than a speeding bullet. Z-Man taking a bath. We're not exactly sure what happens in there or even if any soap actually touches his body, but all we know is that he comes out wet and running. He is willing to sacrifice cleanliness at the altar of things that are much more fun in what he must think of as "anythingsbetterthanhavingtogotakeabath" world. But I digress, so here we are in the living room when he comes running in with his usual fervor and wet head shaking and I'm contemplating taking a much longer and more thorough bath of my own...

ME: Dude, uh, I'm just wondering if I'm gonna find any of your dirty clothes on the floor in the bathroom?

Z-MAN: nope

ME: So, did you hang up your towel?

Z-MAN: yep

ME: So, is the floor all soaking wet?

Z-MAN: nope

ME: What about any poop waiting for me in the toilet?

Z-MAN: hmmmmm, I'm not sure about that one, I better go check!

And off he goes running to the bathroom and my sister and I soon hear flushing. Guess that was an affirmative. Man, I love that kid.

Requiem

2008-10-10T14:39:00.010-05:00

So, you can finish playing the dirge for my long lost blog. I know you thought it died with the summer, but alas, I'm trying to revive it once again. Mostly just with pics, but hey, I gotta start somewhere letting you know what I've been up to the past couple months...First, was a mini-vacation up to Louisville, KY to visit my good friends Will & Kristi and Kari too :), as well as my seminary buds Alicia and kiddos and Rob and Chandi and more kiddos. What did I love most about the trip? Leaving Houston, dining at the cute tearoom, whipping up on Willimo on DDR, hanging out with Farmdale BC youth, eating Krispy Kreme donuts, praying with Kristi, spending the day at C.A.L., eating salmon and playing with Rob & Chandi's sweet girls and watching Sarah Beth and Chandi sing at rehearsal, and chatting it up with Alicia over Tony Boombozz and laughing at her hysterical children!

And then, over Labor Day I went to Louisiana to see my friends Billy and Elizabeth who I knew from Turkey - I hadn't seen either of them since their wedding about 5 years ago! And I had never met their sweet children. We survived one Tunisian and one Hurricane Gustav and spent most of the weekend in Tallulah once we evacuated to safety thanks to Angie and her parents! It was a crazy weekend, but so much fun and so good to catch up on the past 5 years! Liz and I promise to do better this time around!

And well, then we had our very own hurricane here when I got back known as Ike, but I'll get to that next time...(Hey, I know this is a lame post, but I've gotta start somewhere!)

Do you need to believe this today?

2008-08-07T10:02:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 30:18 (Amplified Bible)

And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!

Now, not yet

2008-07-26T19:54:00.006-05:00

I had a professor in seminary who talked often about the "now, not yet" promises and prophecies in scripture. It seems that God has made promises to us in his Word, many which we can already see how they have been manifested in our current reality, and yet many others that have not been fulfilled yet. For instance, God has made me righteous through what Jesus did on the cross. However, He is still in the process of making me righteous as I believe and obey and He transforms me with the washing of the water of the Word. So, there's an aspect that has already happened - the "Now" and then there is the part that is still happening, the "Not yet." It's not exactly rocket science I suppose. However, I've spent much of the past few days thinking about my life's story and feeling a bit discontent as I wade in the shores of the "now, not yet." I'm frustrated. I feel stuck in this inbetween. I feel like I'm loitering. It's like I can't get my brain to rest as I look at scripture and try to believe it by faith and yet when I look at my current circumstances or even looking back to what God has and hasn't done in the past, it's sometimes really hard to see how it's actually been true. I believe God's Word. I have chosen to accept it's truth and claim and authority on my life. I know by now that just because something doesn't feel true to me, doesn't mean that it isn't true. I know His Word is true even when I can't feel. But, you see, this is all what I know, but not what I feel. My heart just feels a mess with all this sometimes. I stare at the words on a page in the Bible and say to myself, "Okay, this is truth." But then my heart says, "But God, that's not true." This feeling of schizophrenia is unsettling. For instance, Psalm 145 says that God satisfies the desire of every living thing. Then why do I still long for what I don't have? Why don't I feel satisfied? Why am I still hungry? I just don't get it.

And I know God keeps telling me to trust Him. How on earth do I do that? I know He is faithful. I know He is good. I have seen his faithfulness in my life. I have seen his incredible goodness. I don't want to ignore all these places in scripture, all these things I've understood as promises and yet haven't come to pass. I want to be real in my faith. I want to be authentic in what I say I believe. I really just want Him to bring fulfillment, to satisfy, to provide, to show Himself incredible. I really want Him to answer some long awaited prayers. I'm tired of feeling stuck and not seeing Him come through for me in some ways I really want Him to. I know, I know that I don't have any right to demand anything of Him. I know He has done enough. I know He is enough. I know I shouldn't ask Him to prove Himself to me. I know that I should trust, that I should be satisfied in Him, I know that He should be all that I delight in. But what on earth am I supposed to do when I don't feel like He is enough. When I still want a man to love me one day. When I'm trying really hard to trust and yet my heart is so confused. When I don't know which path to take. When His Word doesn't look true. I try to tell myself that it's not about my feelings, that I choose to believe by faith, not by how I feel. But, really, come on now, how am I supposed to separate my heart from my head? Don't you feel like this journey of following Christ demands all of you? Even the demons believe. I don't just want to mentally assent to believing that He satisfies me. I want to actually be satisfied in all of me - heart, soul, mind and strength. I want my whole self to trust Him. I don't want my heart to feel squeezed when something happens differently than I wanted it to. I don't want to feel jealous. I learned today from two places in scripture that covetousness is really idolatry. Yuck. I don't want to covet. And I for sure don't want be in idolatry, to want, need, worship anything other than Him. But that's what I'm doing when I feel jealous. When I am sad when someone else has what I think I want. But, I don't know how not to feel jealous, ya know. How do you stop something that isn't an action? How do I tell my heart and my head to obey and stop thinking and feeling a certain way? Actually, I do tell them lots of times, but they don't seem to listen to me. And see, then again, I know that it's only by God's Spirit that I can be whole and righteous and that it's only in his power that I am free from sin. But so, what is taking Him so long? Why won't He make my heart and head line up already. Why does He keep me in the "not yet"? I so wan the now. And so even now I say to myself, "Because it wouldn't take much trust if you didn't have to learn to wait." Which I know is true. But honestly, that can be so frustrating.

I feel like Mary in John chapter 20 who is standing there talking to Jesus after He has risen from the dead and yet she is grieving and weeping because she doesn't know it's Him. She is staring the Truth in the face and yet she can't even see it. Don't you think that's crazy? She's sad for no reason. At least not for a true reason. What she thinks is true isn't. She thinks that someone has taken his body from the tomb and she doesn't know where they have put Him. Jesus isn't where she thinks He's supposed to be. Jesus doesn't look like what she thinks He is supposed to look like. And yet she even asks Jesus who she thinks is the gardener to tell her where they have put him. I know too well that I am often like Mary. I know that I can see and believe things through my limited skewed perspective and miss the truth that is staring me in the face. Perhaps God is speaking to me and yet I just don't know it's Him yet. I guess Mary didn't believe (or perhaps just didn't understand) Jesus when He told them that He was the resurrection and the life (John 11:25). And I guess I'm not believing what God has said. I'm not really believing that his Word is true. I am choosing to believe what things look like through my earthly finite lenses. I choose to believe what my eyes can see instead of what faith will let me see. Mary finally gets it, finally sees Jesus for who He is when He says her name. He says, "Mary!" and she knows it's her master. She recognizes this man that she has known. She has had relationship with Him and in that really cool moment, He reveals his glorified self to her when He calls her name. He knows her too. He has had relationship with her. It's that relationship, that intimacy, that brings the revelation of truth. She sees Truth for who He is. She couldn't see it before, but now she does. He says her name. He knows her. She knows Him. Oh, I'm so thankful that I can know Jesus. And not only that, but I do know Jesus. And more importantly to me today is that I am also fully known by Him. He knows me. He knows my name. He knows my mixed up head. He knows my foolish heart. He knows my blind eyes. He knows my skewed perspective. He knows that I trust Him and don't at the same time. He knows my frustration. He knows my puny faith. He knows my questions. He knows my insecurities. He knows my heart. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart (1 Sam. 16:7). He knows me. He knows you. He knows, He knows, He knows. And He reveals truth. He reveals Himself. His word is true. Every word. He has satisfied me, He is in the process of satisfying me. He is making me hungry for Himself when other things don't fill me up. I may be stuck in the "now, not yet" but He is the Lord. He will do it. I believe. And yet, Oh God, help my unbelief.

New Charlie Hall CD

2008-07-11T08:56:00.006-05:00

As Kasey's always saying..."Get excited!" And here is something that I actually am really excited about. Charlie Hall's new CD coming out soon! Here's what Charlie Hall says about it..."The Bright Sadness is the accepting of the brokenness in myself and in the world around me but always intertwining the overarching thought of Christ's closeness, his free fellowship, his redemption and compassion, his brightness." Truth in music. What's not to love about that?

I was just thinking...

2008-07-09T10:53:00.031-05:00

that my brain may have had enough space the past couple days to actually think about posting. And I was thinking that I wasn't sure what to talk about and yet, there's so much I could talk about at the same time. My life has been extremely full since I last wrote and there's so very much I'd like to tell you about. And I was thinking about a scripture that might sum up my life the past month and yet, nothing jumped to mind so a thought came to me (hmmmm...wonder from Who it came?) why don't you read the psalm for today. You know, today's the 9th so how bout starting with Psalm 9. The first couple verses stopped me in my tracks. AbsoLUTEly perfect! God seemed to know exactly what my heart wanted to say...

Psalm 9 (The Message)
A David Psalm
I'm thanking you, God, from a full heart, I'm writing the book on your wonders. I'm whistling, laughing, and jumping for joy; I'm singing your song, High God.

The day my enemies turned tail and ran, they stumbled on you and fell on their faces. You took over and set everything right; when I needed you, you were there, taking charge.

Wow, my heart is thankful for all that I've seen God do the last month or so. When I was completely empty, overwhelmed, and unsure, He took over and set everything right. He was right there when I needed Him, taking charge. I love that He takes charge. I don't know if it's just because I'm a woman or just because I'm so aware of my neediness and smallness, but I love it when He takes charge. Just makes me feel...safe, protected, sure, at rest. That's something God's teaching me these days. To rest. Just rest. You know, the opposite of striving, fretting, stressing, even doing. God truly has given me a time of rest both physically and spiritually and it is wonderful. It's part of why my head feels like I have space. I don't know if that makes sense to anybody, but sometimes my head can be so full of details and to do lists and analyzing and keeping up that there's no room to actually think, ponder, meditate, breathe. Weird I suppose, but my brain needs to breathe every now and then. And so, I feel like my body and my spirit and my mind have finally found time to take a deep full breath. Ahhhhhh. Wonderful.

And so after all that, I still haven't really told you anything, have I? Well, first of all, I made it through camp. Actually, I did more than make it through. God's goodness and supply were abundantly sufficient. Most of you already know by now that our camp speaker wasn't able to come at the last minute and so several of us found out the Thursday before camp that we'd be speaking for one of the big general sessions. Wow, that was a stretching experience - the journey of speaking to close to 400 people. Yikes. God was amazing! He taught me SOOOOOOO much. He convicted me. He changed me. He gave me strength. He breathed life into me. And He breathed life into dry bones that night. And the entire week was simply amazing. The sunshine and thunderstorms, the brilliant full moon, watching kids' faces, seeing their tears, seeing their laughter, just being able to stand back and watch it all was amazing. God was at work and everyone knew it. It's like He worked in such a way that no one could take the credit. It was all Him.

And even outside of and after camp, God has just been so, I don't know, just real to me. Speaking to me! Listening to me! And letting me know that I actually am hearing His voice and letting me know that He actually is hearing mine. Incredible. Teaching me things. Showing me things. For instance, last night I went to our college Bible Study and we were meditating for a few minutes on the Lord's Prayer. Have you ever thought about the fact that Jesus tells us to pray, "Give us this day our DAILY bread"? Just our daily, not what we need or want or think we will need next week or next month or next year. But just to ask for his daily provision. What do I need today. I've often thought about God giving grace and provision like manna, on a as-you-need basis, not on a excessive-more-than-you- need-today basis, but I never thought about that's how we should pray and ask and expect. Today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Ask for today. Or, learning that the Lord's Prayer shows us so much about who God is - Father, Holy, King with a kingdom and purpose and will, Giver, Forgiver, Leader, and Deliverer. Huge. Revealing Himself to me. Oh man, I'm so grateful to be in this time, here, right now. I've known silent times and dark times and questioning times and so I'm thankful for this time in a broad place. A place with space. A place of faith building and rest and trusting and hope and recovery. So thankful. I feel like so many of you feel stuck in different places and God won't seem to let you leave. I simply don't know what to do with that other than pray that you will soak up all who He is in your time, in the time that God has given you. He is a God of purpose. He reveals Himself in all things, even silence. Hang on. I really believe the dawn, the wide open space, the broad place, the safe place,really is coming for you. Because whether you feel like it or not, his Word is true. He is there when you need Him, taking charge. Rest in that today, friend. Deeply breathe it in and rest.

And just for fun and because I love other people's pics, here's a few...one of those crazy pics I love to take myself after a fabulous lunch catching up with Annetta and Amanda, my senior girls who are LEAVING ME in another month or so, and my nephew and I and my new Turkish friend, Ozge, who spent her first night in America with us before heading down south for a few months. It was so much fun speaking turklish with her, and she even brought me some visne, that's cherry juice and it was one of my most favorite things in Turkey! It was so guzel! :)

Headline News

2008-06-07T14:12:00.003-05:00

Since my last pathetic sounding post, I've been wanting to tell you how good God has been to me. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll begin sounding redundant talking about His incredible goodness and how sweet He's been to me. Then I remember these words from Psalm 145 (The Message)...

2 I'll bless you every day,
and keep it up from now to eternity.
3 God is magnificent; he can never be praised enough.
There are no boundaries to his greatness.
4 Generation after generation stands in awe of your work;
each one tells stories of your mighty acts.
5 Your beauty and splendor have everyone talking;
I compose songs on your wonders.
6 Your marvelous doings are headline news;
I could write a book full of the details of your greatness.
7 The fame of your goodness spreads across the country;
your righteousness is on everyone's lips.

So, apparently I can't say it enough. And as I continue to discover in my own life, "There are no boundaries to his greatness." Ever since the sun set on Black Monday, I've been having a wonderful week. Still incredibly busy, still intense, still lots of work to do, but really great. God has been my shield and protector and my joy. He has given me the gift of a much healthier perspective on life than that which I possessed on Monday. He has just been good. I KNOW that I have seen Him at work in me because of so many of you praying for me, and I cannot begin to say how incredibly grateful I am to each of you. Prayer has made a HUGE difference in my life this week. I've had God just surrounding me with so many people loving me, listening to me, laughing with me, encouraging me, and working alongside me and playing with me. What fabulous, fabulous friends He has given me.

One of the highlights of my week happened Tuesday morning sitting at my desk when my cell phone rang. Wonder of all wonders, it was my sweet friend Abby calling me all the way from Kurdistan! Wow, so great to hear her voice and just get caught up. She had read about my Monday saga and just wanted to see how I was doing. How precious is that? (side note: Please, please, please be praying for God's goodness to bring complete healing to Abby as she's feeling sick again.) Then on Wednesday I had a three hour therapy session...Also known as an hour and a half in Starbucks and another hour and a half in the car after we got kicked out with my incredible friend T. We decided that the price of a Tall White Chocolate Mocha is a lot cheaper than seeing a therapist. Seriously, I love those times to listen and be listened to. :)

And really, God just continued pouring goodness into my life whether it's laughing in the office, getting excited with Kase about her new Chaco's, setting up for a meeting, playing cards last night, my sister giving my dog a 3 day haircut (trust me, that's love), or enjoying seeing so many people I love at our Camp Sponsor Meeting today. But wait. There's more. Back up to last night when I saw that my brother-in-law was planning on making a huge batch of guacamole to take to their family outing today. I grieved a bit down deep in my soul knowing that I wouldn't be partaking of the much loved guacamole. Thing is my b-i-l makes THE best guacamole on the planet. I'm not kidding. And trust me, I'm a guacamole snob, but Terry has a way with avocados that just can't be explained. I even meant to leave a note this morning begging them to leave me just a teeny little bit for me. But alas, I don't think too well before 8 in the morning and I forgot. Sad for me. So as I'm driving home, I find myself secretly hoping that maybe, just maybe, they left some for me. I was hoping, but yet trying not to get my hopes up at the same time. (Not that it ever works, but I sometimes try to push down my "hopefulness" in an attempt to prevent disappointment in the end. Still haven't figured out how to balance hope and faith with wisdom and realism in the midst of the "inbetween." But, are we called to be realistic? Or is that a defense mechanism...hmmm...maybe those are thoughts for another day.) Anywho, so then I pull up in the driveway, let the dogs outside, and then tentatively making my way toward the fridge. I open the door and don't see anything. And then, I see it. It's there. The most beautiful tupperware you've ever seen with green fluffy goodness inside it. Sigh. And it's not just a little dab either. It's enough to really have some guac, ya know. And then I realize we even have tortilla chips. Yes, there is a God! And his love never ever quits.

Sowing and reaping

2008-06-02T17:06:00.006-05:00

Psalm 126:5
Those who sow in tears
shall reap with shouts of joy!

It seems like I'm doing a lot of sowing these days and longing for the reaping. I'm pretty stinking tired of sowing at the moment, and especially sowing tears. I'm just not super happy or spunky today, mostly just overwhelmed, stressed-out, and in a bit of a funk. Sowing tears today and I don't like it. I don't like my job at all today...which is extremely rare for me. And I'm not a huge fan of being 34 and single today either. I've felt really alone today, even though I've been with people or answering the phone nonstop. Today has been hard and I'm just plain empty. God has been good even in the moments I couldn't see Him. There have been a few moments where even with my poor attitude I could see Him. Like when rummaging through a drawer I randomly found a sheet I tore off my calendar from August 25 with the following...

Psalm 107:27-30, "They reeled and staggered like a drunken man, and were at their wits' end. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distresses. He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad because they were quiet; so He guided them to their desired haven." Do you feel threatened? Tell God. Cry to Him. He is never deaf to the cry of His child. Because you are His child and He is your Father, your well-being is His responsibility.

So, yeah, that was good, but it still didn't exactly make the past few hours smooth sailing. Oh well, such is life in the inbetween. The "inbetween" my faith and my screaming reality. Sometimes they don't match up, ya know. Anywho, I'm taking courage in the fact that as I sow in tears, I can look with hope to the moments when I will reap in joy. I know I will. I've seen God be faithful too many times in the past to doubt that it's coming. And let's face it. I'm in pre-camp mode. And not only is that crazy stressful and busy, but spiritually, it's just a lot more intense. And yet, the reward will be so great too. Oh, if I can just make it the 14 days until June 16th when I wake up at Camp Eagle to the beautiful sun coming up over the hills and on Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday and Friday when I get to watch all that God's going to do. It will be worth all this. I am confident of that.

So, if you're hating life today for whatever reason, if your sowing in tears today, take heart for the reaping will come. And if you're life is all daisys today, then maybe you can say a prayer for me that I'll find ways to rejoice while I'm stuck in the "inbetween."

Praise Jesus, here's where I'll be in two weeks! :)

Two, well maybe three things...

2008-05-23T19:37:00.006-05:00

GUESS WHAT??? God healed my air-conditioner today! I'm not kidding! He really did. I know it sounds kind of silly, but trust me, I didn't feel silly when I was soaking up all that cold air goodness at 5:00 pm this afternoon as I was driving home. I left work around 4:20 pm with my big cup of ice in one hand and my cup of cold water in the other. After a few minutes in the car, my jean legs were folded up, my hair was pulled off my neck, and the windows were down. The outside temperature read 89 degrees. I hit a brief traffic snaffoo and was starting to get a little bit irritated and my good attitude was waning. I quickly pulled out my I-pod nano and got my earbuds in place to chill out to some Robby Seay. That's when it happened. This teeny tiny voice in my head said, "Hit the AC button" (or something like that). Well, let me just tell you I've done this about a zillion times since it went out several weeks back. Sometimes, I do it three times in a row, maybe once a day or once every couple days, I'm not too sure. Anywho, let's just say this wasn't the first time. But, it was the first time for the little thought that seemed to come out of the blue. So, I hit the button and the happy green light comes on!!!! This means it's working! I hold my hand up to the vent to see if the air feels cool. It doesn't at first, but slowly starts to get colder. I immediately start freaking out and yelling, "Shut up!" Must be Kasey's influence. And I'm thinking, "Wow, God! You have GOT to be kidding me." He wasn't. It's true. He healed my AC. It worked all the way home. I finally had to turn it back a bit because it was full blast at 68 degrees and I forgot that I still had the cup of ice between my legs. I was actually getting chilly! I even stopped for two errands on the way home and it was still working great. Isn't that amazing! The really fun part is that even though I'd asked God to fix it a time or two before to fix it if He wanted to, it wasn't until Wednesday afternoon when the youth staff met to pray that I actually prayed out loud for God to heal our cars. My car isn't the only one that's been a distraction lately. I figured if God can heal people, He can heal cars too if He wanted to. So, yeah, I'm not sure why God decided to have mercy on me today, but I'm so thankful He did. What a great encouragement!

And I don't want to fail to mention my great thanks to Cliff and Teresa who were going to let me borrow one of their cars that they have been trying to sell and aren't using. Cliff assured me it was one of the coldest AC's he'd ever seen. Well, I finally agreed to take them up on the offer and pick it up next week. They were even going to let me keep my car at their house! Wow! But, unfortunately for Cliff, he called today with the news that when he got it out of the garage today to wash it, etc. he realized the air wasn't working. Oh geez. Poor Cliff. Now's he's got to deal with that. So...maybe after you spend your daily hour in prayer interceding for your family, friends, and the world, you can feel free to pray for Cliff's car, along with J & T's car, along with Micah's car....It's an epidemic lately.

Again, why on earth would God want to take care of my car? I often wonder at why God answers some prayers and yet not others. I will never figure that out. Trust me, I know my car AC working again is not as important as so many other things. So why? And it's not because of my faith that's for sure. I honestly don't think I expected Him too. I did expect that it would all eventually work out and that I can trust Him to take care of me. Why did He do it? I truly don't know. Maybe He did it just to show me that He actually can and wants to provide for me. That I can trust Him to take care of me. Sometimes I feel a bit out on a limb being a single woman. A bit uncared for at times. But not today. Today God showed me that I am cared for. And that, ladies and gentleman, makes me cry. I love Him.

Okay, and lastly, I'm heading out tomorrow morning with 22 other youth leaders, college students, and youth to Paradise08. We'll drive all day tomorrow to Fort Scott, Kansas (yep, I'm thinking 12+ hours) where we will spend the night. Sunday morning we'll head to a giant empty field in the middle of Kansas to worship our King Jesus with at least several thousand young people. No speaker, no band, no agenda, no t-shirts, no organizations, just Jesus. He's the only big name this time. I'm pretty excited. I have no idea what to expect, but definitely have an expectant heart. I'm sure I'll have something to say about it next week. We drive back Sunday night and Monday. If you think about it, pray for us and all the other groups who will join us. Pray that Jesus is honored and we are humbled.

Thoughts on driving in Houston, Texas in the summer without any air-conditioning

2008-05-20T17:31:00.005-05:00

Like my title? I used it because it sounds like something John Piper would title something. Of course, the rest of this won't sound like him, but you gotta start somewhere, right? :)

Okay, so here's the deal. Last month I spent over $400 on car repair and maintenance. So...when Red Velvet's (my 1992 Buick LeSabre) air-conditioning decided it didn't want to work a few weeks ago, I decided to ignore it. Actually, not so much ignore it as intentionally decided to look the other way. Thankfully, it has been an unseasonably cool spring for Houston and we've had lots of really nice weather the past couple weeks. The circulated outside air has proved quite sufficient most days. However, reality is that it's summer in Houston which means that today it is 94 degrees. Yes, that's Fahrenheit. And if you've never been here I can't explain the humidity, but let's just say when you step outside you feel like you've been submerged into a really big deep broiler. It's warm. It will get hotter of course, but let's just say for now it's not a wimpy kind of heat index. So, on my commute home this afternoon I began thinking of the essentials I've added into my routine to make the drive much more endurable. But before I get to that, let me just remind you that I drive about 35-60 minutes home on the I-10 Katy Freeway at 4:30 or 5:00 p.m. in the afternoon. Oh, and did I mention the bumper to bumper traffic? Or the construction?

My new essentials:
1. God's grace which comes to me in the following ways...
2. A good attitude which in itself is a gift and is greatly enriched by the following items...
3. Remembering that I have friends all over the world who drive around in cars with no AC and more than that walk everywhere and take buses stuffed with a hundred other people who consider deodorant a luxury item. Also, these many friends don't have AC in their apartments either.
4. Remembering that I have life a million times easier than most of the world's population...I have clean water, I have a safe place to sleep, I have food everyday, I am not sleeping outside for fear of earthquake aftershocks. And frankly, for some weird reason I feel like it's good for me learning to do without something that I usually consider a "have to have" to survive. I'm not entitled to air-conditioning and maybe it's healthy for me to suffer in this teeny weeny way.
5. Being thankful that I will not be spending eternity somewhere really hot.
6. Okay, enough of the philosophical essentials...first tactical item in my survival kit: my i-pod nano and accompanying earbuds. This is extremely important to maintain #2. Radio is insufficient because with windows down and traffic blaring by, I simply can't hear it. With earbuds in place, I can sometimes listen to an entire album creating a joyful if not worshipful experience.
7. A large cup of ice to hold in my lap. I owe Jerome for that handy tip - it makes a world of difference.
8. An insulated cup of cold water to sip and cool my insides.
9. Dressing in layers to work so that I can take one or two layers off before I head home.
10. A rubber band. Any kind will do. To put my hair in a ponytail of course.
11. Sunscreen. This is a newly implemented essential I added today because I noticed my left arm getting much browner and frecklier than my right arm. Plus, I don't want to suck it up driving around without AC because I know it won't kill me and then ending up with skin cancer. Definitely not worth that!

So, any of you living without AC? Any tips you want to share? Or maybe how you try to keep a good attitude with your personal irritations of life? BTW, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I have a better attitude about this, other times I'm grumbling and complaining the whole way like this morning as a matter of fact. Of course, perhaps that's why I realized this afternoon that this list really is crucial. God gives us grace. Sometimes we just need to use it.

He really does

2008-05-05T19:30:00.002-05:00

God really does answer prayer. Really. He does. He answered a prayer of mine today and ya know what, it just feels good. It's not even about the outcome as much as it is that I apparently needed the reminder that He actually hears me. It doesn't even matter today that there are many other prayers He hasn't answered yet. It's just so amazing that He listens to little ol me. He is gracious. He actually listens to me when I call. He acted on my behalf. He defended me. He answered in such a cool and tangible way for me today. I am so grateful that my God, my Friend, my Savior, my Lover answered me today.

So if you're praying and it doesn't seem like He's listening, I hope you can take encouragement from this knowing that if He hears me, He can hear you too. I know He's silent sometimes. Trust me, I KNOW. But my friend, He is listening. He will act. In fact, He probably is already acting on your behalf. Sometimes it's days, months, or years before we see the fruit. But you CAN trust Him. And remember, He is faithful not because of you or what you deserve or what you do or how hard you pray or how much faith you have. He is faithful because that's who He is. It's his nature. He can't help it. He really is faithful and that means you really can trust Him.

Stargazer Lilies & My Office

2008-04-18T08:54:00.007-05:00

My lilies early in the week...

Today's beauty!

My favorite thing about my office is that amazing view of the trees!

Please ignore the boxes under my desk...it's a sign that summer's coming and
I have no where else to store stuff!

I'm in love

2008-04-17T19:43:00.006-05:00

Thought that title might raise a few eyebrows! Hopefully I didn't give anyone a heart attack! Okay, so some might say it's been a slow week, not as in boring or moving slow, but just as I ponder the highlights it kind of seems like maybe I need to get a life. Problem is, I like my life and don't really want a new one. Give me a minute and you'll see why...

1. I received a love letter from Seth Langford this week. It was kind of creepy with scrawled out writing and a pencil drawing and a cut out magazine photo of Brad Pitt, but still it was fab. His t-shirt said, "I heart Rebecca." Seth is every woman's dream - or at least he should be - he's got rugged good looks, real convictions, and just a few quirky flaws. He's loyal to a fault, loves like it really matters, fights for the oppressed and doesn't have a fear of commitment. ;) Trust me, Seth is worth the wait. Mind you, I'm still waiting since he only exists in my heart and soul for the time being. But trust me, in my heart and soul, what we have is very very special. (Gosh, I'm trying to imagine someone stumbling upon my blog and being very very weirded out by me right now!) Okay, okay, so he also exists in the mind of a friend I am honored to have and also in the pages of an amazing novel I just read, The Calling....and to meet Seth for yourself...

2. I had to call the IRS early this week because I my return was rejected several times because the Taxcut software refused to accept my electronic signature. There's a lot of boring details I'll leave out, but after about 40 minutes on hold listening to scratchy Tchaikovsky and enjoying sitting on the parking lot they call I-10. Finally, I hear a beep and soon this deep and very monotone voice says, "This is Mr. Smith ID487964378." No kidding! His name was Mr. Smith! You have to admit that's pretty funny that Mr. Smith works for the Internal Revenue Service. I can just imagine him in a support group..."Hello everybody, I'm Mr. Smith and I'm addicted to boredom." I really shouldn't make fun, he was very friendly and at least somewhat helpful. The really humorous part is that after he confirmed that the figures I was entering were actually he correct, he must have said three times, "Well, I don't know what to say...uhhh...I'm not sure why it keeps being rejected." What? Are you kidding me. You were obviously born to work at the IRS and yet even you don't know what's going wrong? Strange, but true. And lest you worry about me, I was eventually able to resubmit by printing out a spiffy little form and sending in my signature the good old fashioned way.

3. Yet another highlight in my week is that I've been so crazy productive at work. Seriously, it's been amazing. My to do list is getting longer and longer these days, but instead of shrinking back in fear, I'm bravely taking the bull by the horns and crossing things off that list left and right. Simple pleasures, right? I love the joy of quantifiable results.

4. The best for last. A very sweet and very good smelling friend of mine brought me a couple of stargazer lilies on Monday. Each day they've become more and more beautiful as they continue to bloom and gift me with the best fragrance ever. Seriously, people walk down the hall by my office and stop to ask where the amazing scent is coming from! I think these may be my new favorite flower. The beauty has been making me smile all week and the thoughtfulness behind the gift makes makes my heart sigh. I know I'm being total total cheese, but I don't care at the moment. I love the flowers. And even more than that, I love real friends who bring you flowers even when you tell them not to.

I have to tell you

2008-04-11T22:12:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I miss living overseas really bad. I mean a whole lot. The past few days have been like that. I'm not sure why, but I just do. Last night we were eating at Pei Wei when several muslim families met up outside, the men warmly greeting each other and the women with their head coverings double kissing each others cheeks, and beautiful children will heads full of dark curls. My sister asked if they were Turkish. They weren't. I'm not even sure how I can tell, but I can. My guess is Iranian actually. I don't know what it is about seeing women with head coverings that - warning, I know this sounds weird - but it just gives me a warm fuzzy. I just want to walk up to them and ask them to please be my friend! I live in an incredibly international city and yet I don't have any international friends. How can that be? What is wrong with me? I miss that so much. I miss bad English. I miss warm hospitality. I miss spending hours at the table during a meal. I miss the muddy streets of Adapazari. I miss our phone friends. I miss being busy spending time with people, not busy with things. I miss the craziness that is Istanbul. I miss riding the boat across the Bosphorous. I miss Sunday afternoons at the Taylors. I miss my friends. I miss being so dependent on Jesus. I miss catching a glimpse of what outside of America looks like. And I miss people and a culture that are different than me. Exquisitely different.

Now I know I'm sounding romantic about it all. I remember the hard things too and I know my life is easy here. I enjoy fitting in. I enjoy owning the cultural cues and language. And I know I'm where I'm supposed to be and doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I know God has called me here. To Houston. To live with family. To be a youth ministry secretary. I love my life. I love my job. I love being where God wants me to be. But oh, sometimes, I really long to go back.

P.S. I almost "borrowed" - more like stole some pictures that I randomly found on another blog just now in my search for Istanbul photos. Instead, I thought I'd let you take a look for yourself...ISTANBUL DAILY PHOTO...so fun, huh?

Hey mom, this one's for you! :)

2008-04-03T16:21:00.019-05:00

As I was saying, last Friday night my sister's family and I headed out to a beautiful park in old Katy with about a million other people (okay, maybe just half a mil) for the west Houston Relay for Life. Basically, it was just a chance to enjoy the outdoors, get some exercise, show support for cancer survivors and their caretakers, and raise some money for the American Cancer Society. My sister and I had been wanting to do something like this for a while and were excited when her Sunday School class was getting a team together. I think we just felt like it was important to be involved in this whole cancer thing (I still don't really know what words to use for it) and I guess just be a part of the huge community of individuals and families who have been hugely impacted by this disease. So...my brother-in-law, nephew, sis and I put on our walking shoes to go see what all this hubub was about. Let me just say my sister and I were completely unprepared for what the night would really be like. We just didn't expect it to be emotional. I'm not sure why, I guess we just didn't think about it. However, there were so many aspects of the evening that seemed to get down inside of us. Seeing so many people in their matching Relay for Life t-shirts had an impact. Seeing all the people wearing their purple shirts signifying they are "cancer survivors" had an impact. Listening to the personal stories people shared had an impact. Hearing announcements of the youngest survivor (11 years old I think) and the oldest survivor (An 82 year old man who drove his family to the event) had an impact. Seeing hundreds of lit up luminaries in honor and in memory of those who either have fought or are still fighting cancer lined up all along the pathway had a powerful and significant impact on both of us. I think the most emotional part of the evening for us was watching the group of survivors kicking-off the night as they made their initial trek around the path. We all stood on the sidelines and cheered for them as they physically took one step after another and also to encourage them as they bravely take steps along such an arduous physical, mental, and spiritual journey of life after a cancer diagnosis. Huge. My sister and I, with just a little bravery, tried to hold back tears and smile and clap as they all walked past us. Our mom was far away, but seemed very very close in that moment. It was so powerful to both of us to feel a connection with this community of people who have been impacted by cancer - people who have felt just like us, who were completed blindsided by this intruder into their families, who have cried together, who have experienced defeats and triumphs, people who have shared this journey. At moments the weight of it was unbearable to think of all the pain and struggle these people have and continue to walk through. Yet somehow at the same time, the burden seemed a little bit lighter when shared with so many people. Belonging is huge, even when it's a club like this one. So, we did our little part and walked our hour together from 8:00-9:00 p.m. as the sun began to set. As always, my nephew was the life of the party as he walked, did fancy dance moves, played on the playground and drank 4 mini smoothies! We walked with the crowd and read the names on the luminaries. We ate barbeque. We laughed. We sang along with the entertainer singing, "I Will Survive!" We were proud of our mom. We shed a few tears. We shared in the moment of silence. We prayed. We listened. We watched. We participated. And mostly, we just belonged.

I hate being tagged

2008-03-28T10:29:00.008-05:00

And honestly, I think this is the first time I've actually complied! I guess it seemed short enough and well, Elizabeth, you do have a special place in my heart since you got me started doing this whole blogging thing and all...so here's to you!

Ten years ago...I was plowing through my first year in seminary and loving springtime in Louisville!

My to do list today...
1. Get to work on time - check.
2. Get summer calendar ready to mail - working on it.
3. Join my sis in the Relay for Life tonight to benefit America Cancer Society.

What would I do if I suddenly became a billionaire...
Travel the world for a year!

Three bad habits...
1. hitting the snooze.
2. procrastinating...especially when it's something I despise like dealing with car stuff.
3. going to Target....it's kind of a love/hate relationship.

Five jobs I've had...
1.worked a couple summers at a preschool.
2.worked at a psychologist/psychiatrist office.
3.worked in Pediatric Cardiology at TCH.
4.taught conversational English.
5.my sister hired me to teach dance...I only lasted one day!

Five things people don't know about me...
1. I took 4 years of French.
2. I can stand on my head.
3. I had open heart surgery when I was 17.
4. I love the movie Man On Fire.
5. I want to write an essay for This I Believe.

And I'm not going to tag anybody and laden them with peer pressure and guilt, but if you're at a lost for what to post...what's stopping you?

March Madness Madders

2008-03-20T17:42:00.005-05:00

Okay, so here's the thing, let's face it...I'm not that into sports. I couldn't care less about who's winning what and who's playing what and who's in what conference, blah, blah, blah. Unless of course, I have some personal investment in the team, like when the Rockets are playing for the championship or it's the Astros in the World Series or it's my niece kicking serious tail in soccer or my nephew busting heads in football, or some of our Stratford kids in Playoffs, or even Kasey's age-old buddy who's grad assistant coach for the SFA guys basketball team....but I mean, other than all that, I don't care. :)

But alas, March Madness comes around and I lose all sense of not caring. I'm sucked in. Suddenly the fact that I have committed to a bracket makes me insane with curiosity about who's winning at all times. I can't begin to tell you how many times I checked the status of games today. AND IT'S JUST THE FIRST DAY! Sheesh! What am I gonna do with myself? Suddenly, I'm watching the live game updates online during the day at work and hitting refresh every 5 seconds just in case the game has turned. I didn't even know bulldogs were from Georgia until they failed me in the last quarter of the game today. What's wrong with those guys anyway? You try to pull for the underdawg and look what happens! You get BURNED, that's what happens! I mean, really, those guys are an embarrassment to the game, fouling all over themselves, missing free throws, just lame. period. And yet, speaking of lame...why do I care? Well, because they cost me a vital point today that's why. It's March and I'm mad. Just plain mad. This is why I don't do sports, the stress is just too much. So, for a brief reprieve from my obsessive compulsiveness, I decided to do something different, you know, distract myself with something more positive and productive and beneficial to society.

I updated my Yahoo Avatar. What can I say? I'm officially a March Madness Memphis-lovin Mess...but what a great outfit!

What a day of rejoicing, of rejoicing that will be..

2008-03-18T15:28:00.011-05:00

When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!

Well, while I am not in heaven today, I am certainly very very very happily rejoicing. My mom and dad received GREAT news today after meeting with the oncologist and going over all of her reports - she does NOT need to have chemo! How awesome is that? I can't tell you how excited we all are to be at this place in the journey. When I talked to my mom earlier today she sounded more excited and more like herself than she has in a really long time. The e-mail update she just sent said she felt like doing a cartwheel and a somersault she is so thrilled! And I don't know how to explain the huge sense of relief I feel...my eyes are beginning to tear up, but not because of sadness this time! I'm just so thankful for good news and thankful for God bringing me and us through to this place and thankful for incredible doctors and science and medical technology and thankful for so many of you who have shared this with me. Mostly, I'm thankful that God does answer prayer and that He has been so gracious. And I'm thankful that so many of you are giving Him glory too today because of my mom. That is awesome. I'm grateful for His love that never quits. And, even if she had needed chemo and even if the journey was different or longer or even if a multitude of things, I know that God's grace is always sufficient and that He is always the same and that He is always enough. His love never quit! What a wonder! So if you picture me today, picture me grinning. "Oh happy day...."

Yeeeeeeeeehaw!

2008-03-17T14:57:00.015-05:00

Yep, a week ago the three cowgirls - Kasey, Janelle and moi - headed out for our third annual trip to the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo! Such a great time, such beautiful weather, such fun animals, such cute bull riders, such great food, such a rich cultural experience, and such a great excuse to wear the cowboy boots and hat!

Getting out of the city and getting my rodeo on...about 5 seconds earlier I said, "Man, I can hardly see with this hat on!" Now we know why.

I cannot even begin to explain how big he was - I think his name was Peter the Great!

City Slicker goes country!

"Come on little buddy, if I can do it you can too!"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is a look of sheer joy...the deep-friend-oreo and I meet again!

And yet, just in case you missed it the first time, here's a closeup of just how happy I am!

When you see the next picture of happily fed piglets,
you'll realize why she has that look on her face!

Indescribably cute.

You've heard of a wolf in sheep's clothing, but what about a sheep in leopard's clothing?

John Deere never looked so good.

"She's a loooooong taaaaaaaaal Texan and wears a ten gallon hat..."

His love never quits

2008-03-13T10:26:00.003-05:00

This morning on the way to work I was listening to David Crowder...”Joy and pain, sun and rain, You’re the same, Oh You never let go.” Last night in our youth leaders meeting Chuck shared with us from Psalm 136. We read it out loud responsively from The Message. I’d encourage you to read it out loud yourself. This morning as I was writing my mom back in response to an update she sent, this is what came to mind...What a gracious God we have who grips us with his steadfast, covenant-deep, lovingkindness. His love never never quits.

When things are going well

His love never quits

When my mom had her biopsy

His love never quits

When she believed for God to heal her

His love never quits

When she talked to the doctor and found out she had breast cancer

His love never quits

During Christmas when I was there

His love never quits

When we had to learn to use words like cancer, chemo, radiation, oncology...

His love never quits

When we all had meltdowns

His love never quits

When she was encouraged

His love never quits

When we all cried

His love never quits

When we couldn’t sleep

His love never quits

When she agonized over her decision

His love never quits

When people continued to ask how my mom was doing

His love never quits

When we were so afraid

His love never quits

When I bought a plane ticket

His love never quits

When I saw the sunrise from my window seat on the plane

His love never quits

When my mom had the lumpectomy

His love never quits

When people prayed for her and for me

His love never quits

When my mom was so chatty after surgery

His love never quits

When I had to say goodbye

His love never quits

When she was brave for the radiation

His love never quits

When Kate went to see her

His love never quits

When we all waited and waited and waited

His love never quits

When I had to teach Deuteronomy 7

His love never quits

When God met with me on the Katy Freeway

His love never quits

When his Word didn’t seem to true to my eyes

His love never quits

When I crawled into his lap and looked into his face

His love never quits

When we heard 9% chance of it coming back

His love never quits

When we realized that meant 91% chance it WON’T

His love never quits

When my mom waits again to talk about chemo

His love never quits

When Kate and Zach did a little devotional last night

His love never quits

This morning

His love never quits

Only toe deep

2008-03-09T18:17:00.004-05:00

Well, I can't quite explain what is compelling me to write this, because honestly I don't really have much to blog about. I wouldn't say life has been boring at all, but I guess I just haven't been inspired. But, here's the thing...it seems like the last several posts have been a bit heavy. Kind of deep, and honestly pretty sad. I just hate for all 3 of you to be faced with seeing that "sad news" every time you come visit. It was and continues to be sad news, and although I am so grateful for your prayers for Cyd's family and also for my mom, I feel like we could all use something a little less deep for a change. Of course, this is where I got my lame attempt at being clever in my title, "Only toe deep." When I come up with stuff like that I'm amazed that I can ever talk about more than poptarts or something else as base. What am I saying? I'm not sure. How about this joke I heard on Prarie Home Companion today...

What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?

(wait for it, wait for it...)

He got a little behind in his work!

Oh my goodness, how sad is it that I find that absolutely funny! I can hear some of you saying, ewwwww and a few more of you just moaning because it's so corny. Man, how I love corny.

Sad news

2008-02-28T13:29:00.004-06:00

I am sad to say that I found out today that my friend Cyd and her driver who were kidnapped in Afghanistan on January 26 are believed to be dead. I had been checking the updates every couple days or so, but just found out this news in an e-mail from another friend of mine living there. I know many of us are sad today, but please keep praying for the expat and Afghan women and men who are grieving in a much more personal way. Cyd had such a beautiful heart that never failed to give life and hope to those around her. She will be missed by so many people, but we can rejoice today that she is now celebrating with her Father! :)

Here's some of the news...

ARLDF site

Fox News report

to do list

2008-02-23T22:38:00.004-06:00

Here's my list of accomplishments today...

1. got out of bed after 10:30 AM
2. ate 2 pieces of sourdough toast with jam
3. watched some tv
4. brushed teeth...mine
5. put on clean if just a bit wrinkled t-shirt that says "Princess" and sort of clean cozy pants
6. went on a leisurely, meandering walk in my new Chaco's
7. sat under a tree for almost an hour
8. spotted a bluejay
9. prayed for a redbird
10. spotted a redbird :)
11. started to walk home
12. stepped in mud
13. scraped off mud
14. watched 7-8 turtles slide into pond, albeit man made...pond, not turtles
15. rinsed more mud off shoes by stepping in puddles
16. completed cleaned Chaco's with garden hose to preserve their sweet and shiny newness a bit longer
17. propped Chaco's in rungs of picket fence to dry in sun
18. ate pimento cheese sandwich
19. drank water
20. changed facebook status
21. watched too many design shows
22. got back in bed
23. lay there
24. read some Romans
25. talked on phone
26. ate southwest chargrilled chicken salad which my sister brought me from Chick-Fil-A
27. ate 4 girlscoutthinmints and put rest in freezer
28. watched more design shows
29. guzzled some cold milk with even colder thin mints
30. web-surfed like crazy till I developed a bad case of mouse wrist

No wonder I'm getting tired. I'm going to bed.

P.S. It didn't rain. :) Me of little faith.

Where's Elijah when you need him?

2008-02-21T09:53:00.002-06:00

James 5:17 "Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years."

Okay, so I have a need. I need you to pray. (First of all thanks for praying for my mom! She's doing great...at least I think so. She got a balloon inserted yesterday which they will use Monday - Friday next week for her twice a day radiation treatments. Keep praying please!) Okay, but back to the immediate need today. Spark is today. Spark is where over 230 students come to a kick-off tonight and then spend the weekend in 31 different homes with 31 different leaders. Thing is, it's "supposed" to rain and storm this afternoon and evening like crazy. However, this will make it quite sketchy for our leaders driving and flying in and for well over 230 students, parents, and host families trying coming this evening. So, if you could pray that the rain holds off...until Monday would be great - If God can handle 3 years, I'm pretty sure 3 days isn't a problem for Him! :) And why you're at it, could you also pray that the ice storm coming to Louisville in a few hours will hold off until Will & Kristi can get on their already delayed plane to come here? Gee, thanks!

Okay, so mostly, will you just pray that Jesus reveals Himself in a life-changing way to our students this weekend. We need Him, oh so desperately.

p.s. Who knew Elijah was a blonde? No wonder I like that guy.

Something I love

2008-02-17T20:12:00.003-06:00

Okay so I admit that sometimes my family drives me crazy. Sometimes it's really easy just to shut myself in my room and enjoy the peace and quiet. I mean when my sister comes down with strep throat and my brother-in-law's captured the entire living room and kitchen cuz he's laying on the couch watching TV, and my nephew's playing outside, what else is there to do? So yeah, I took a nap. And don't get me wrong I do love naps, but let's be honest, that's not worth blogging about. But this is...my sister comes in my room, climbs into my twin bed with me, all three dogs parade in with incessant barking because they all want on the bed too. That moment was not full of happy thoughts for me, not yet.

But then I get up to send the animals outside and we all hang out in the living room watching design shows. Meanwhile, I'm sitting far across the room from my sis so I don't breathe in any of those germs...let me just say, I CANNOT GET SICK this week. Not an option. So anyway, I eat some cornflakes w/chocolate bits in it - typical healthy Sunday night dinner while my sister pitifully eats some ramen noodles, gives up on that, and then goes for some cereal which she also shuns. Nothing tastes good when you're sick. And then, it comes to our attention that my nephew hasn't eaten yet. Alas, the often helpful brother-in-law is nowhere to be seen at the moment so I start to rummage around thinking what I can make for him that we actually have the ingredients for and that he'll actually eat, and even eat without complaining. A tough order to be sure. Eureka! Inspiration strikes. A breakfast taco with scrambled eggs, cheese, and bacon. I'm guessing you're not mesmerized by such a thought, but my nephew was estatic so I went to work. I was beginning to think I'd almost forgotten how to make scrambled eggs for some reason because the last two times I've made it have not been stellar...the eggs getting all stuck on the pan and such. Anywho, I pushed through the doubts. (Can you hear the dramatic music in the background yet?) I even tried out the new secret new tip I learned to add just a bit of cream cheese to the eggs right before they're finished cooking to make them extra light and fluffy. Try not to mention that to my nephew please. So I served him up his breakfast taco which he gobbled down. Not a crumb left. And my sad puny sister was so jealous that I served her up what was left - just enough for a mini-bite size taco. She acted like it was the best thing she'd ever eaten. "Now, that actually tastes good to me!" she says. :)

Then I'm finishing up washing the stuck-on eggy mess frying pan when my nephew says, "Can I have another one?" "No, you can't!" I sweetly say, more because of the thought of rewashing the pan more than anything else! "But...I'll make you something else if you're still hungry." So in a few minutes after my sis tells him it's time to go take a bath, he pipes in with "I don't mean to be rude, but can I have that snack?" Guffaws all around. "Well, okay Pooh, but I need some inspiration." At this point I do a little hip hop moves to get the blood pumping. (We were currently watching some dance crew competition show on TV.) Apparently, I wasn't too impressive because the dogs immediately started howling, either that or they're baptists and just won't tolerate my gyrations. :) So yeah, I get inspired to make some sweet treats out of tortilla strips with sugar and cinnamon, toast them and serve with some nutella, sprinkle some powdered sugar over top and drizzle some chocolate sauce, and add just a smidge of chocolate sprinkles. BTW, I totally burnt the first batch and set the smoke alarm off! But finally, the secret desert was ready for my sis and my nephew and they were mesmerized. My nephew even spent about 5 minutes licking his plate when he was done. Thing is, I didn't even make myself a taco or a plate of sweet tortilla thingamabobs, but I was so happy. Just the little simple thing of feeding my family is something that I really love. Gives me endorphins. Just makes me feel good. Was my cooking a work of culinary genius? Doubtful. But, my family didn't care and neither did I. I may not have a husband and my own kids, but I do have a family. And serving them and making them happy makes me happy. And that's something I really really love. And that my friends is worth blogging about.

Thank you for praying!

2008-01-31T15:55:00.000-06:00

No sign of cancer!
I woke up this morning at 4:15 a.m. to begin my journey. I had a great quiet flight with an amazing view of the sunrise! Believe it or not, last night I somehow remembered to check-in for my flight online and when I checked out my seat assignment for some reason I felt like I should switch to the other side of the plane. The only seats open were by the window even though I usually like to sit on the aisle. All that to say, if I had not been sitting in the window seat on the right side of the plane I would have missed the most beautiful picture that God was painting for me. I first started paying attention because in some of the clouds I could see the lightning that was flashing underneath them. The clouds would luminate every few minutes. And meanwhile, the sun's light was just starting to peak up over the cloud horizon just to the left of the stormy ones. Oh my goodness! I was so amazed and even though I've been on tons of flights in my life, I shamelessly pulled out my camera and started taking pictures. When the sun finally came up over the edge it was too bright to look at for more than a second. I could feel the heat even through the couple panes of glass. Oh, can I even tell you what a gift that was to see. What a difference it makes to see things from a different perspective. Down below it must have been stormy and rainy, but up above it was the most glorious thing. God was sweet to remind me that even things like cancer are all woven into purpose for his glory when seen from an eternal perspective. I'm telling you, it was so so cool! It was like Psalm 19:1-6 was playing out in front of my own two bleary eyes... "The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of His hands. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heart. Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their utterances to the end of the world. In them He has placed a tent for the sun, which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber; it rejoices as a strong man to run his course. Its rising is from one end of the heavens, adn its circuit to the other end of them; and there is nothing hidden from its heat."
Goodness, and I know you'd really rather just hear about how my mom is doing! I drove up to the hospital and was able to hug my daddy and a few of my mom's close friends about 15 minutes after she went into surgery. We actually had a delightful time laughing and sharing stories during the almost 2 hours my mom was in surgery. Finally, whew, deep breath, the doctor walks out to give us the news that the two sentinal nodes were cancer negative!!!!! Yippeeee! And, that the surgery went perfectly well! Exhale. My poor mom spent an hour in recovery while we walked down to the cafe and ate Thai chicken and apple quesadillas with peanut sauce (clearly, we're not in Texas!) Shortly after, my dad and I were able to go see her and give her a kiss. She didn't look too chipper and was in a lot of pain at first, but she was quite the chatty thing. We soon got her dressed and in the van to go home where she told her friends that she had decided beforehand that she would be okay no matter what the news about the cancer. So sweet that she had come to that place of trusting Jesus, but for me, even sweeter that they didn't see any cancer! They will have a full pathology report probably available Monday.

At the moment, my mama is asleep snuggled in her bed and my dad is picking up the prescriptions. I can't tell you how good it is to be here. Thanks for praying. Thanks for caring. And if you actually read all this, thanks for your patience beyond measure. :)

Good News!

2008-01-28T16:56:00.001-06:00

I just talked to my mom! The doctors she and my dad met with today basically agreed with the first opinion which is great news! She will be having the lumpectomy (the less invasive surgery) on Thursday to be followed up by radiation. Thanks for praying!

Big Day for My Mom

2008-01-28T08:39:00.000-06:00

Hey, my mom sent out the following e-mail about her big day today. Thanks for praying...

Dear ones,

Thanks SO much for the covering of love and prayers from you. Since some of you are wondering how things are going, here is some info. Tomorrow morning, Mon. Jan 28, I'll have blood work and chest x-ray done for my expected lumpectomy on Thursday. Richard and I will spend all Monday afternoon at Fox Chase Cancer Center for my second opinion for surgery and treatment. We'll see a surgeon, an oncologist, and a radiology oncologist and a social worker. Tuesday afternoon we'll see my surgeon Beth DuPree for my pre opt visit for the lumpectomy Thursday Jan 31. During surgery she will clear out the cavity surrounding where the lump was, and also examine the sentinel lymph node, or others if there is cancer in the first one.

If Fox Chase Cancer Center recommends a mastectomy, (with reconstruction), I would likely comply, though this could mean delaying surgery, possibly a couple of weeks because of surgical schedules. I am taking a number of questions to ask tomorrow, as we'll be with each doctor for about an hour. The necessity of removing any traces of the malignant lump, 8mm by 6mm, that was excised during the biopsy is the first need. Second is for the lymph nodes to be clean of cancer or "pre-cancer". Third, and extremely important, is for us to choose the route with surgery and treatment that will be effective in keeping any cancer from recurring.

God answers your prayers in all kinds of ways to bring smiles, faith, or encouragement to Richard or me. I actually cooked supper last night. Stir fried cabbage and cornbread! And.....God reminds me of His words like: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5 And, Let the weak say, I am strong. Joel 3:10

Love and thanks....

Jane

On a more positive note :)

2008-01-16T16:04:00.000-06:00

Hark, here's the long awaited pics from my day in New York a few weeks back! I probably walked about a trillion miles that day, but it was absolutely a glorious time tromping around by me'self just going and doing and seeing whatever made my little heart happy. Just being in the big city made me happy too cuz it reminds me so much of living in the Bul!

The Christmas display windows at all the department stores were amazing as usual!

My favorite pic of the day!

A display window outside of Tiffany's - I saw a ring inside that cost $70,000.

I know it's not much to look at, but this is where I rested my tired little feet after the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It was an amazing Turkish restaurant where I had cay, coban salatasi, ekmek, and manti! It was absolutely incredible and even the outside reminded me of Turkey. It's called SipSak and I think it's at 2nd and 49th...just in case you're in the neighborhood and want to stop by. Afiyet Olsun to me! :)

A Christmas tree inside the New York Public Library - who knew that place was so beautiful!

Not my daddy's Home Depot.

My attempt at a random artsy photo.

The humongo Rockefeller Center tree!

I had never been to Central Park before and was amazed at how beautiful and serene it really is right there in the middle of the city. It goes on for miles and even has a zoo right in the middle of it!

What can I say? When you're a lone pilgrim in the Big Apple you have to take these goofy pictures of yourself...I tried to take it when nobody was looking. ;)

Semantics

2008-01-10T19:02:00.000-06:00

After some final Christmas shopping on December 22 I brought some spaghetti home for us to eat. When my sister and I were finished eating, we had a conversation something like the following...

"So, mom called today."
"Yeah."
"She got the results of the biopsy.'
"Ohhhh. And?"
"It was malignant."
"Oh."
(and a few minutes later)
"Don't worry, I'm gonna be the glue."
"You're not very good glue. You're more like silly putty."

And so began the last couple weeks. We've all got new words to use now. Words I don't like and words I don't like to use. Especially out loud. But, if you're going to talk, if you're going to listen, if you're going to be in this, then you have to say them and you have to hear them. The power of them is more than I can bear at moments. Sometimes I want to scream, "I'm not doing this! I can't do this! I can't talk about this!" But, I don't scream. Instead I cry. Sometimes I laugh. I ask people to pray. And now I write. Since the day after December 23 I've had strings of words and phrases running through my head. I just got tired of it all rolling around in my head. Maybe if I finally write them the roll will slow down a bit. My brain won't stop I suppose, but still at least a new blog can start writing itself in my head. Here's the new list of words in my vernacular. Words I could do without...especially without my mom being the subject.

cancer
cancerous
malignant
biopsy
prognosis
treatment
radiation
chemotherapy
lumpectomy
masectomy
double masectomy
how ARE you
such horrible news
so good that you're here right now
fear
it's been a tough 24 hours
surgery
decision
anxiety
teeny weeny bit of cancer
it's still cancer
smaller than a centimeter
smaller than a pearl
what size pearl
breast cancer
early detection
mammogram
life saving
matter of life and
I wonder if she realizes my mom and dad had cancer
chest wall
check the lymph nodes
waiting
you're not going to die of cancer
how does she know
on edge
stress
second opinion
(even now hearing my sister on the phone)
statistics
recovery
higher risk
25% higher
panic
attack
more real
pray
sleepless
nightmares
faith
scriptures
you're a strong person

And the list keeps growing. I can actually talk about it without crying now, well at least sometimes that is. I'm trying to wrap my brain around the fact that even though I the word cancer and am so very very afraid of it. There is another word that is bigger. That word is Jesus. And that word makes me want to cry too. But it's all I've got at the moment. But God.

I could SO be Dorothy

2007-12-29T20:00:00.000-06:00

in the Wizard of Oz! Would you just look at these Chuck Taylor All Star Sequins shoes! I'm not sure what it is about my gene pool that makes me absolutely LOVE these shoes. I want some. Probably shouldn't buy them, much less wear them, but I do honestly think they are so great. I just showed them to my dad. He thinks they're awful. What can I say, I guess I didn't get my taste in shoes from my dad, and as far as these go, probably not my mom either. But still, something about them is just so charming...it's like they are glitzy but earthy at the same time. And well, I already know they're cozy, and well, they're red and that's always good and they're converse and that in itself is great and well, they are just so completely impractical and totally unexpected. A juxtaposition of natures if you will. And I will. :) If I bought some that's what I would name them. Juxtaposition.

December craziness!

2007-12-26T14:15:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas! Thank God that He has come to be WITH US. I so desperately need Him to be living life here with me everyday. Anywho, as with most of you lots and lots has been going on this month...here's a few of the happenings and a couple o'pics.
For a lovely start to the month, my sister hosted the most amazing early birthday girly Christmas tea party for me on the 1st. My mom even flew down from Jersey for the fun and I also had about 18 or so other beautiful ladies show up to let me know how loved I am. We delighted in the cranberry punch and the cutest tea sandwiches you've ever seen and a wonderful display of teas and petite quiches and scones and clotted cream and all the cute little doilies and unexpected touches that my sister spent hours and hours preparing. Have I mentioned that I have the greatest sister ever? She even had lace on the punch cups and teeny red bows on the forks, not to mention the cheese was cut out in holiday shapes! (btw, sorry to any guys reading this, I'm sure you could care less, but for girls this stuff is extremely important.) There were even door prizes and little gifts for everyone to take home! I especially enjoyed reading all of the thoughtful notes and scripture passages that my friends brought for me. I so wish that all of my girlfriends in San Diego, New York, Magnolia, Louisville, Boston, India, Turkey, Brazil, Iowa, and even Pineville, LA could have come to share in the girliness with me. However, if all of you had been there too, I'm not sure I could have stood all the excitement!

Then, there were several Christmas parties and shopping to do and new offices to move into. The office move was a little bit nuts, but I shan't complain because in the midst of it all, I had 5 unexpected and undeserved days off! Wow, that was a HUGE Christmas gift! And I have a window in my new little office with a great view which I'm loving! Oh, and sadly my dear dear dear dear friends Will and Kristi moved to Louisville to get em some more skoolin. :) So very happy for them, but I already miss them both like crazy!

And now I'm in New Jersey with the folks and just enjoying some stillness. We had a lovely Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and today my mom and I did a little bit of shopping (I guess I'm a bit shopped out this year because all I came home with was a $3 scarf from JCrew which my mom generously bought!) And tomorrow I'm going to take a small little bite out of the BIG APPLE all by myself! What a big girl I am. :) Have no idea what I'll decide to do, but I'm just looking forward to being in the city and soaking up all the sights, sounds, and smells of NY. And then on Friday which just so happens to be my BIRTHDAY my daddy is taking off work and all three of us will drive to this cute little town to have a delicious lunch and look around the cozy little stores and enjoy all the Christmas lights...oh, and I'm thinking I might get to open a few gifts too. And well, there's more that's going on in the homefront, but I'll write about that another time.

As you can tell, I'm getting lots of love. :)

Holiday Fun!

2007-12-04T15:03:00.000-06:00

Click here for some stinking amazing entertainment starring yours truly...

Every word of God proves true.

2007-11-30T15:12:00.000-06:00

I have no idea what's going on in your world today. Lots, I imagine. I know there's lots in mine and probably yours too...big stuff, little stuff, work stuff, family stuff, relationship stuff, dream stuff, disappointment stuff, good stuff, bad stuff, easy stuff and hard stuff. If your brain, body, spirit, and soul are tired and overflowing or empty today... if you're on the verge...if you need encouragement today...if you need a bit of hope, a corrected perspective, a paradigm shift, a reminder that He really is enough and good and trustworthy...if you just have plain need today, then take a moment, take a really deep breath (the kind that takes more than 2 seconds, the kind where your shoulders actually go up and down) and read this. You need it. I did.

Psalm 145

A Song of Praise. Of David.

1I will extol you, my God and King,
and bless your name forever and ever.
2Every day I will bless you
and praise your name forever and ever.
3Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised,
and his greatness is unsearchable.

4One generation shall commend your works to another,
and shall declare your mighty acts.
5On the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.
6They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds,
and I will declare your greatness.
7They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness
and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

8The LORD is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
9The LORD is good to all,
and his mercy is over all that he has made.

10 All your works shall give thanks to you, O LORD,
and all your saints shall bless you!
11They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom
and tell of your power,
12to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds,
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
13Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures throughout all generations.

[The LORD is faithful in all his words
and kind in all his works.]
14The LORD upholds all who are falling
and raises up all who are bowed down.
15The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food in due season.
16You open your hand;
you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
17The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works.
18The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
19He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them.
20The LORD preserves all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

21My mouth will speak the praise of the LORD,
and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.

Singing in the Rain

2007-11-21T20:55:00.000-06:00

Let me just confess that so many times I am stunned by how sweet God is to me. I don't know why I am always surprised, don't understand why I'm so cynical about Him much of the time. Yesterday I was just kind of sad - not really sure why, just different stuff on my mind, random stuff. Not even all bad stuff, but just things I wanted to process. Stuff like thinking about what God did on the high school retreat, but realizing how many students are still in so much turmoil and can't seem to connect Jesus with their real lives and real stuff. And wondering why God doesn't seem to help them. Or rather, why it doesn't always look like God is doing anything. And then just thinking about what to do for Thanksgiving and why I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere this year. I decided not to go see my folks since I'm going up there for Christmas. I shouldn't complain because I am thankful I'll get to be with my bro and sis and their fams, but tagging along at their dad and stepmom's house just didn't seem to thrill me, ya know. It's not that I'm not always welcome there, it's just that I'm not expected or needed to be there. Nobody would be mad if I didn't come. So weird that I was having a pity party about this; I know tons of people wish they could get out of their family gatherings! :) And then I was just feeling lonely in the office - not sure why sometimes that bothers me. It never bothers me on Fridays when I'm alone, but the Tuesday afternoon just did. Guess I was just missing my peeps and it just didn't feel right for Tuesday. And for some reason I was reminded again yesterday of the issue of human trafficking and just the thoughts of how I need to care about that which I do, but I need to care enough to do something about it. But I don't know what to do and I honestly don't even want to think about such evil because my brain and heart and theology don't even know what to do with it all. But anywho, I sucked it up and decided to do something. Not really a something worth even talking about, but for me it was a little bitty act of obedience to just confess that I've been calloused and decide to care and think about it and be willing to learn about it. If you want to care you can check out www.love146.org.

Anywho, all that to say I was feeling funky. But then right in the middle of it, my sister called me just for something random and she hardly ever calls me during the day. I guess just having her care was a help. And before I even got off the phone with her my mom called. We talk probably once a week or so, but it just is a warm fuzzy to hear the sympathy in your mom's voice. Made me cry a little actually - what is it about moms? And then after work I went to walk/talk/pray with my friend Annetta and it was just really good. We love to walk and talk together but even though I told her I was all prayed out and just have it in me, just listening to her pray was such an encouragement to me. And then went inside to hang out for a couple hours with one of my most favorite families. For some reason I always feel so relaxed when I'm at their house. They were busy in the kitchen preparing for their Thanksgiving day feasting, but even in their busyness there is just a peace being with them. So good for my soul. And by the time I left and came home I just wasn't in a funk at all. I guess I'm just grateful that God set up all those things for me on a day when I needed the encouragement. I know that sometimes He makes us wait and sit in it for a while, and sometimes a long while, but yesterday He didn't. He pulled me up and out of the puddle right away and I'm thankful.

And might I add, today was a fantastic day as well! Work was less than exciting, but I did get some good cleaning out accomplished and even put up a few Christmas decorations - yipppeee! And then I went to lunch with some stellar Winchell sisters to CPK and had a great time catching up. And then I peeled out of there about 2:30 which was amazing and headed home and took a good long nap. So love naps. When I woke up I checked on my sister who had some major dental work today and I cooked us up some pumpkin tortellini that she bought and we enjoyed a lovely dinner and watched Singing in the Rain on TV. "I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain, what a glorious feeling, I'm haaaaaapy again..." "Love love love that movie! And now I'm just chillin and bloggin - what a great day. I think sometimes I get in a funk when I've been around people too much. Not that I don't love being around people cuz I really and truly do. It's just that with a shortage of down time spent at home or just by myself, it starts to wear me out. So yeah, I'm all good and even looking forward to the good food and good company of tomorrow. And looking forward to Friday - no clue what I'm gonna do except that I don't have to work. Awesome. Oh, and I almost forgot that I got to talk to my best friend tonight which just makes me feel like all is right with the world. She's the best at listening to me ramble. Thanks Little Bit. :)

Okay, speaking of listening to me ramble, if you're still reading, thanks to you too. And just in case you need to do a little Thanksgiving venting of your own, go right ahead and leave a comment, even a real long one if you need to...

I promise

2007-11-20T16:35:00.000-06:00

to write something tomorrow, but for now here's a few more Far Side comics. I was in a teeny weensy bit of a funk for a bit this afternoon so it's probably a good thing I didn't write anything - who knows what I might have said! :) I'd much rather give you something funny than be a downer anyday of the week...speaking of funny, I did have a swell lunch with 3 men today...no, no, no don't get all excited - they were all married. Oh, the joys of church work. :) Seriously, Tuesday Lunch Bunch was a tad sparse but completely superb today as we enjoyed our Panera (especially our double freebie breadbowl soupage) and discussed new stem cell research, random reality shows, my upcoming advent appearance, the fancy water label on the drink machine, the writers strike and the plausibility of a Twood "executive assistant" strike, and well let's not forget the brief pancreas mention. So today I'm thankful for all the cool guys God puts in my life, even the married ones. ;)

I hope you laugh out loud at these. You know you want to.

gotta love it.

2007-11-13T13:32:00.000-06:00

just a bit o'humor for the masses...

The little things

2007-11-09T09:56:00.000-06:00

Okay, so here's the deal. I have a lot I want to write about - really and truly. And even more music I'm in love with right now and happy things I'd like to share. But alas, lots o'work to do today and for the next week so it's gonna have to wait...I'm sure the suspense is really gonna kill you. And so I've attached a picture to show just how cluttered and crazy my little cubicle is these days which in my life translates to lots to do - not the "summer craziness" lots to do just the "high school retreat is one week away and lots of other things are piling up too" lots to do. So yeah, I've attached a pic and I better shut up before I waste more time doing this which is really not that essential to the grand scheme of life I'm thinking. OH, and I've attached a pic of why it is that I don't mind doing all this stuff...it's cuz sometimes my boss brings me fun gifts from office depot. I'm sure it's not what most folks get excited about, but for me gold paper clips are everything. They are just so much nicer than the run o the mill silver. You laugh, but it's true. I get really excited about those - Jerome knows it. He knows the way to get me to work like a dog is through bribery. He smiled real big when I got all excited about those gold paper clips. The silver key labels are pretty fun too, don't get me wrong, but they don't hold a candle to the gold finish clips - a 100 of them. Yep, I'm pretty high maintenance this way.

Beautiful, Scandalous Night

2007-11-05T15:28:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to share my new favorite song. As a matter of fact, it’s on one of my new favorite CD’s, Robbie Seay's Give Yourself Away. I loved practically every song on it the first time I heard it. (The song isn’t original to Robbie Seay so you may have heard it somewhere else too.)

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified

Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul
In the fountain that flows
For you and for me and for all

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that pours
From our blessed Savior's side

Written by Steve Hindalong and Derald Daugherty © 1992 New Spring / Never Say Never Songs (ASCAP)

Click here to listen to a sample

I'm one hot burrito!

2007-11-02T14:09:00.000-05:00

How often do I say this, but well, it's Friday afternoon and I've pretty much finished everything I need to accomplish in the office...lucky for you, that means blogtime! :) Let's see, what's new with me...

you know I'm hot.

Most newsworthy I suppose is the fact that I dressed up as a Freebird Burrito not once, but twice, last week. The first occasion was the Tallowood "junior staff" Hallo-Wii-n party where we had sooooooo much fun learning how to play Wii bowling, tennis, and baseball - not quite sure I'm ready to fork out the big bucks for my own Wii, but playing in a big group was uberfun. One of my favorite moments of the night was when I retorted to Will for who knows what "bite me!" Classic, oh man, do crack myself up.

check out the expressions of everyone watching - my bowling ball just missed the last pin!

Then, the very next night I redressed and rewrapped myself up as a burrito for the junior high game night at church. The favorite part of that night was that one of the kids on my team was a cookie - it was a touching moment there in the ladies restroom when she walked out of her stall and I was happy to discover another food item. We embraced and teared up and the rest is history...we did in fact name our team the "Killer Cookies" in her honor. She even had a milk moustache. BTW, the kids first suggested "Cute Cookies", but come on I said, cute cookies aren't tough, we need a more fitting name for the pure fighting machine that we were.

Killer Cookies in action - this would be the mummy wrap!

On a lighter note, I've been keeping my room clean. Trust me, that's newsworthy.

What else...well, I have been learning to wait on God. Tons of fun. Actually, it has been really good just learning how to wait on Him instead of just waiting for something from Him or waiting for Him to tell you something...not that I would ever do that personally, but some people might, ya know. I've discovered that when waiting on an event or thing or answer, you might grow weary, but when just waiting on Him, He really does renew your strength as it says in Isaiah 40.

Also, I was just reading through my journal the other day and remembering how incredibly faithful our God is. Of course, there have been times when it hasn't felt like it, but when you think back to how He's worked over the course of time, in the journey of your life, that He has been faithful to accomplish His purpose all along the way. As we just studied Noah in SS, we were talking about how Man cannot (even when he is evil) compromise God's plan for creation to bring glory to Himself. God's purpose cannot be thwarted - ever. And yet for some crazy reason I think that if I hear Him wrong or misinterpret what He's telling me or if I somehow don't make the "right" decision, that I'm going to mess up His plan for my life or just His plan period. What kind of foolishness is that? He is just reminding me that He really is in control, He really does have all authority, He really does have all power, He alone can accomplish what He wants to accomplish in all of time and history, not to mention my silly little life. So, don't forget that, my friend, it's not up to you to figure it all out and make it happen. It's not. It's really not. So, take a big sigh of relief. Sighhhhhhh. We are called to trust Him, and trust his heart when we can't see Him working, and we are called to obey. Obedience is our job, but God is the One who fulfills His purpose in us because of his covenant love toward us. Psalm 138:8 "The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands." Here's an interesting tidbit...did you know that every time you see the phrase "lovingkindness" in the NAS or "steadfast love" in ESV that it is a reference to God's covenant love for us? Trust me, it's everywhere! And do you get that a covenant is eternally binding, God cannot and will not break it. In fact lots of blood has been shed for it - it's that serious. In SS I like to cut a cute teddy bear in half for dramatic effect! (We've been studying Covenant all semester so the two-piece bear returns quite often - my girls love it - they act like they don't, but I know they do!) So, next time you start thinking God really doesn't care about you or see you or that He really isn't working for your good, stop it. He does care, He does see, He is working for your good. How do I know? His Word says it and I've seen it over and over and over again. And here's a one of the cool new verses I just discovered, Proverbs 30:5, "Every word of God proves true; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him." Every word. True. Believe it.

Whew, that was long! Once I get going sometimes it's just hard to stop. But alas, I will. Oh, just for kicks, check out my new Facebook profile pic. When I grow up, I'm gonna be a donerci...perhaps even the most popular donerci in all of Istanbul. :)

good to the last slurp

2007-10-19T14:08:00.000-05:00

Here's a few things I'm happy about today...

aleph - I just finished the last slurp of my cookies-n-cream milkshake complete with whip cream and cherry (I actually didn't eat the cherry) from Chick-fil-A. Man, was it good.

bet - Today is Friday and inherit in every Friday is a bit of happiness.

gimel - Since I'm alone in the youth office today I've had lots of quietness which for today is quite enjoyable. Sometimes I get a wee bit lonely, but not today, just embracing all that is serene. Okay, so "embracing all that is serene" is probably putting it just a bit too dramatic and Jane Austin'ish, but I just liked the way it sounded.

dalet - This week I've found several of my really good turkish friends on Facebook which is so very fun. mutluyum. cok.

heh - Tonight Kasey and I get to babysit Janelle's little baby girl which I'm so excited about. There's just something so sweet about cuddly babies - can't wait! And plus, Kase and I just need some good girl hangout time so that will be fabulous too.

vav - My bedroom AND my bathroom are both really clean and organized which is giving me immense happiness these days.

zayin - Life with the sis, bro-in-law, and nephew has been really great lately...just so fun. Just helping my nephew with his homework or laughing with them at family jokes and getting my sis and nephew out of bed after they got back in bed after breakfast just for cuddle time...just little bits of life like that make my life richer.

het - Today it is only 82 degrees and beautiful. I know it's weird that I'm thankful for 82 degree weather in October, but just yesterday it was 92 so I'm grateful.

tet - Tomorrow I don't HAVE anywhere to be or anywhere I HAVE to go or anything I HAVE to do. ahhhhhh, now that is a breath of happiness.

yod - I love my job.

kaf - I get to wear jeans on Fridays.

lahmed - I've been getting stuff accomplished today and marking stuff off the list makes me happy.

mem - I'm in the middle of reading a great book - Israel, My Beloved - I read it a long time ago and knew I loved it, but ohmygosh it is so good. It's fiction, but it just paints a beautiful picture of God's lovingkindness towards his people.

nun - For some crazy reason, the only thing I remember about my two incredibly hard and almost devestating semesters of Hebrew is the alphabet...I figure I may as well get some use out of it, right? I could finish it off for you, but you probably couldn't care less and if you actually do care just check out Ps.119. :)

samek - I've had over a 1000 visits to my blog...most of those are probably me, but still fun stuff.

Best of the Wurst

2007-09-25T18:13:00.000-05:00

So for a couple weeks now I've found myself writing stuff in my head...not sure if that's just the way I think or what, but I keep thinking of things to write about and then I never have time to actually write the verbosity down - or type it out for that matter. And so I'm home alone, well just me and the dogs that is, and felt like spitting some of that stuff out and alas, it seems that as time passes all those things that seemed really interesting at the time, really just aren't. But perhaps the randomness will be entertaining.

For instance - last week I learned on NPR about a sausage convention or consortium if you will (and I know you will) they were having somewhere in the midwest around Chicago or something. Okay, so you're thinking who cares? But the funny thing is that the name for it was going to be "The Best of the Wurst." Still, now, a week later, it makes me laugh out loud.

And then there's always the fodder that comes from driving the Katy Freeway everyday to and fro. One afternoon I saw this small white pickup truck with the words "Bert the Bug Guy." And I thought to myself, oh man, hope that guy's already married because I personally don't see that and think, "Gosh, nothing hotter than a bug guy!" I mean, really, not to be picky or anything, but there's nothing about a bug guy that's attractive. And then the really funny part is that I saw the same truck the very next day! How ironic - maybe God's trying to tell me something. No offense Bert, I'm sure you're a great guy, but I hope not.

And also, last week or so while driving on aforementioned Katy Fwy, I saw this man on the side of the feeder road pushing a large trash bin. Not the kind that people put on the curb on trash day, but the kind you see gypsies pushing in other countries. But even stranger was his wife I assume, walking about 20 feet behind him in a full black burka. For a minute I wasn't really sure what country I was in. Nothing funny about that story, just a strange moment for my brain.

Or I could write a page or two about the temper tantrum that I threw with God last Thursday night, but it wasn't really pretty so I'll spare you the details. Basically, I ranted and raved while I felt like God was ignoring me only to find out later in the evening when I was doing my best to avoid Him, that He actually was listening. Not sure why He even does that. Why He even lets me know He sees me and cares about me when I'm being so stiffnecked, but He often does. Sometimes of course, He lets me sweat it for a while as He's silent. That's the part I don't like. But I'm afraid it shows me what I'm really made of inside and how tiny my faith really is when it comes right down to it. I figure I at least have mustard seed-sized faith which is good since God can do something with even that. Why, oh why, do I doubt His goodness toward me? As if He hasn't done enough. Giving me life and all that and grace upon grace. God, help me trust you.

So didn't mean to get all deeply spiritual and melancholy on this post since I'm not feeling melancholy at all. In fact, I'm pretty "stoked" (just wanted to use that word) that I finally won a week in Fantasy Football. Of course, Sweet Pea Domination is still in second to last place, but after I steamroll my measly opponent this week, I'm sure I'll be heading up in the ranks.

Yep, well, I can't find any more yarns of eloquent phrases rolling around in my head so that's it. That's all she wrote. HAHAHAHAHAHA - so dumb, but still makes me laugh.

I have to say a couple years ago I had a good friend of mine telling me that I needed to write. So ever since then, I've tried to do more writing off and on, mostly off. But then sometimes there's this nagging feeling that God wants me to write and so I used to try to contemplate what and how and why I should write and to who and for what purpose. Aren't there enough words in the world as it is? But finally, as in just a couple months ago, it dawned on me. The writing is mostly just for me. Me and God perhaps. Well, not that it's for God, although sometimes it can be, but sometimes it's for me to figure out myself ya know, and what's really in my heart. I guess I used to feel like if I was going to write it needed to be for some great purpose or something, like I needed to change the world through it or maybe even just one person's world. But thankfully I've decided that's not the case. It's just about this life, mine. No, no, I know life's not all about me, but I need this. To write. To process my life. To process at least some of this stuff rumbling around in my head - all those silly and sacred things. I feel like if I don't, I'm going to miss out on life - on the richness and fullness of it. Maybe even miss what God's trying to speak to me in it. And that would be much too great a loss.

P.S. Have you read Romans 4 lately? Don't you want to have the kind of faith like Abraham did? It's easy to have faith when you see God for who He really is - a God who gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist. A God who is able to perform that which He promised. I guess that whole speaking things into existence was fresh on my mind anyway because we taught on Genesis 1 this past Sunday. God just speaks things into existence. He just breathes and there is life. Now, that is something for me worth writing about. Gosh, I need this encouragement.

Gold and silver gifts

2007-09-07T15:10:00.001-05:00

Gen. 24:53 "Then the servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother."

Okay, so I was thinking that God has been giving me good gifts lately and was looking up scripture and this is the first one that popped up. Well, since the name fits, I'll use it. The truth is, God has been just so incredibly sweet to me lately and I just wanted to share. Granted, the gifts haven't been gold and silver and articles of clothing, but really I'm not that much of a jewelry person anyway. Here's just a few of the gifts my Dad has been lavishing on me this week. And God, I'm sure my bro and my mom would appreciate some gifts too. :)

1. For some crazy reason God has just been wooing me to Himself and making me hungry for His Word lately. Okay, so maybe it's not a crazy reason, maybe it's that He's trying to transform me or something like that. :) All I know is that when I feel this way, and especially when I actually do something about it, it is ALL HIM. No doubt about it, it's His working in me.

2. I've been having the joy of house and pet sitting for some friends who have a dog, a cat, two turtles, and a fish. (So, I can't quite consider the turtles to be a gift yet, but I'm sure we'll be bonding soon!) Anywho, the best part is having a huge peaceful house all to myself! It is amazing! I went into culture shock the first 24 hours because it was so quiet and I honestly felt a bit lonely without my sister, brother-in-law, nephew and 3 dogs around. But, once I got over that and decided that God and I could have a 12 day retreat just to ourselves, I was pumped. It has been soooooooo good. I decided after the first night that nothing on TV was really that entertaining (although I did enjoy that episode of SurvivorMan and the documentary on the guy that "died" climbing Mt.Everest, but wasn't really dead after all - woops, I digress) so I've just been listening to music, listening to the quiet, reading, journaling, praying, being lazy, you get the idea - it's good stuff. Now, granted, I've busy all day and some evenings to being out and about, but when I'm at the house it's lovely chill time. And you know what I discovered. Now, don't get me wrong, it's really not mindblowing, and probably wouldn't be a Eureka for anyone else, but whatever, here tis. Have you ever noticed that when you actually spend more time in His Word than in other stuff, it starts changing the way you think. It actually DOES build your faith. It actually DOES give you peace. It actually DOES encourage you. It actually DOES make you want more. It's just that God's wisdom is soooooooooo dramatically different from man's wisdom and it takes reading Truth for me to really get it. Not that I've gotten much of it, but some of it is ACTUALLY STARTING TO SEEP IN. Cool stuff. One of the places I've been reading the past couple days is I Corinthians chapters 1 and 2. I'm telling you, it's worth a sit down. It's like it's stuff that I kind of knew in my head, but not really - that God's wisdom is completely contrary to man's. Such good stuff.

3. So I got a little carried away on #2...but also, and I'm sure there's tons more I haven't even realized were cool gifts yet, but here's another one - friends in my life have just been a huge blessing. Guys and girls, married and single, near and far - God has just given me great ones to encourage me, challenge me, love on me, admonish me, build me up, stretch me, make me laugh, make me think, etc. at so many times and in so many ways the past couple weeks. Thanks God for people who love me or at least think I'm cool enough to be friends with!

4. And on that note, earlier today my friend Rindy had a layover in Houston and so we got to hang out for a bit, eat lunch, and just catch up. Just a great perk for my day.

I could go on and on, but that will have to suffice for now..."to the praise of the glory of His grace"

5. This just dawned on me - sometimes I'm a little slow - it occurs to me that maybe the reason I'm receiving all these gifts or perhaps that I'm realizing them as gifts and that just maybe the reason God's been drawing me to Himself could be that PEOPLE JUST MIGHT BE PRAYING FOR ME! How cool is that? So thanks guys - just another reason to be thankful for ya.
Okay, I'll quit - here's a pic of Rindy and I at the airport drop off. Don't miss the lady in the suburban in the background wondering "Who the heck takes a picture in the middle of the departures lane?" Well lady, people like me do - live a little.

I Corinthians 2:9-10 "But just as it is written, "THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD, AND which HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN, ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM." For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God."

Guard Your Heart

2007-08-24T12:58:00.000-05:00

So if you’ve been a single girl for any amount of time, likely someone has encouraged you to “guard your heart.” Sounds biblical right, sounds wise, doesn’t it? Well, it is biblical and therefore determining the wisdom factor as well.

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23 (NASB)

23Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Proverbs 4:23 (ESV)

23Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

But the question that I’ve been asking myself is this, so what? What does this mean? How am I supposed to do that? And what exactly am I guarding my heart from? So a few days ago when I was thinking and journaling and praying about this I asked God to help me figure this out through His Word. And of all places, God started my journey in Nehemiah.

The following is pretty much word for word out of my journal and since it was so revolutionary to my previous way of thinking, I thought I would be open to share it. I’ve tried to fill in places where the stuff that was going on in my brain didn’t make it to paper. Here goes...deep breath...

Reading along, I came to this part where Nehemiah addresses his enemies trying to discourage them from doing what God has asked them to do, to rebuild the wall.

Neh. 2:20 So I answered them and said to them, "The God of heaven will give us success; therefore we His servants will arise and build, but you have no portion, right or memorial in Jerusalem." Hmmm, interesting...guess this means that my enemy, the enemy of my soul, has no portion, right, or memorial in my life. Places where I’ve failed or been defeated are over. Those “memorials” I have to those times don’t have a claim on me. The enemy has no right to bring up stuff from past to discourage me – he doesn’t own me, Jesus does.

Neh. 4:9 “But we prayed to our God, and because of them we set up a guard against them day and night.” I need to be guarded against the enemy! Not guarded against relationship or my own feelings necessarily, but against the real adversary. Nobody in their right mind sets up a guard against something good. Protect my heart from what? From risk, from hurt, from love? That’s not biblical. Who in scripture protected himself from hurt? Rebekah? No. Ruth? No. Rahab? No. Esther? No. Nehemiah. No. Abraham? Only in his disobedience when he lied about Sarah being his sister to protect himself – he chose fear, not faith. And when he offered Isaac on the altar in obedience, definitely not protecting his heart from hurt. Joseph? He was guarded against adultery – he was kind to his brothers even after they had betrayed him. Jacob? Protected himself and stole the blessing by deceiving his father and disobeying God. But, years later Jacob did not guard himself when he saw Esau. Instead he was gracious. Joshua? Not guarded, but courageous. Daniel? Not guarded – only guarded against sin – he trusted God and went into the fiery furnace and into the lions den. God is protector, not man or self. Hosea? Are you kidding me – he married a prostitute – definitely did NOT protect his heart, but was obedient to the Lord. Peter, John, Jesus? Jesus did not protect His heart. He sacrificed it. The soldiers pierced it. He died. He suffered. By choice. For God’s eternal glory and for our good.

So, am I supposed to protect my heart for my benefit? For my fear of pain? Protect my heart from being vulnerable and therefore from the possibility of being hurt? I don’t think so. Guard my heart against sin? YES. Guard my heart against the attack and lies of the enemy? YES. Guard my heart against pride, envy, self-preservation, self-exaltation, fear, greed, materialism, against wimpy and shallow Christianity? YES. YES. YES. Guard my heart against my thoughts and emotions getting carried away and not living in the reality of the moment? Definitely YES. Guarding my heart against giving in to the fear of rejection? YES. Guard against risk? NO. Guard against hope? NO. Guard against caring? NO. Guard against guys? NO.

Proverbs 4:20-24 (NASB)

20 My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
21 Do not let them depart from your sight;
Keep them in the midst of your heart.
22 For they are life to those who find them
And health to all their body.
23 Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
24 Put away from you a deceitful mouth
And put devious speech far from you.

These verses are talking about what you put in your heart. Not necessarily excluding, but definitely not referring to guy/girl relationships. But still, do I need to guard against accepting Satan’s lies? YES. Against emotional fantasy? YES. Against pain? No, not this girl. My heart is not wimpy. Actually my heart’s been through several fiery furnaces and God ALWAYS REDEEMS. I don’t want my heart to be wimpy. I don’t want my heart to be hard. Soft, yes, but wimpy, no. I don’t want to be afraid. Why fear anything but the Almighty? That is wisdom – fearing God. Matthew 10:28 "Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

Guard my heart from getting attached to people? No. How am I supposed to be a blessing to portray the beauty and image of God, to love and care and pray for people without getting attached? Without my heart getting involved? Am I supposed to offer my whole heart to any friend, to any guy, all at once? No, I don’t think so. But is it my job to protect myself at the cost of loss of real relationship in the body of Christ? NO. God is my fortress. My defender. My help. My shield. God is my protector. Do I think we as people need to protect each other? Yes. Should men seek to protect and guard the hearts of women? Yes, I think that’s what God created them to do.

Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(So, after typing this I realize, it’s totally all over the map ended kind of randomly, but what can I say, I was getting sleepy when I was journaling. I think I turned my light off and on several times because I would try to go to sleep and then I would think of something else that I didn’t want to forget! So I apologize if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else, but there you have it, that’s me trying to figure out this whole thing of being guarded against certain things, but not too guarded against other things. I’d love to know what you think.)

Blog Boredom

2007-08-17T15:51:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this has possibly been one of the longest days of my life. And it's not even 4:00 yet. Ah geez. So, it's Friday and I'm in the office by myself today, all by my little self. Do you feel sorry for me? You should, I'm pretty lame. Actually, once upon a time I was used to this kind of day and enjoyed the solitude of Fridays. They are so incredibly productive it's amazing. And yet, well, it's been a wild and crazy summer and I guess since the middle of May I haven't seen a full Friday of alone time in the cubicle. But alas, all my regular youth compadres are off today and my beloved interns, Jacob and Tim, have left me. Woe is me. Yeah, so maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic. It hasn't been a bad day at all, and actually I've been enjoying most of the peace and quiet. Yeah, so what was I saying? I can't even pay attention to myself...not quite sure how you will endure reading this. I'll offer prizes to you who make it through this. But I digress again, I was saying that it's been a good day and all, I even had a jalapeno pretzel with cream cheese for lunch and have been uber productive today. But still, this day is lasting FORFREAKINEVER! Even since I've been writing this post, I've only managed to waste about 4 very long minutes. Isn't there something more entertaining than listening to me whine....

EUREKA! How bout I dig up some favorite pics from the summer. I know you're salivating with anticipation.

My senior girls....ah, let me wipe a tear...they're all grown up now and heading off to college!The tribe of Dan at camp - what a beautiful week!

My mom and I and a few amazing and godly friends we got to visit before the family reunion...

My mom and nephew playing at reunion - definitely two peas in a pod.

Here's me being a total dork in the lake at the state park in TN.

Ah shucks, nothing says summer memories like the youth staff - Jerome, moi, Charis - AKA "Cherish the Intern", WilliMac, Buck Wild Tim, and Jake, the little ball of hate.
Okay, okay, so he's not really that mean-spirited and just for the record, Charis isn't an intern, she's here to STAY, thank goodness!

Amy & Dan's wedding

2007-07-24T16:00:00.000-05:00

Wow! I had the amazing honor of getting to be at Amy and Dan's wedding yesterday in San Marcos! Such a sweet wedding and such an amazing picture of God's sovereignty and faithfulness. It was great to see them and reconnect with several of my ol'Turkey buds. Time was way too short, but it was still great. Here's a few pics for those of you who couldn't make it. (Oh, I also went to Tennessee for a family reunion, but I'll have to post about that later.)

Amy trying to talk someone into taking a hit at the pinata at the reception!
Man, how I miss that laugh!

Together again, except in San Marcos eating fajitas instead of kofte in Istanbul! Oh, well and then there's the Dan and Amy married part too - that's a new twist. :)

Benjamincim! Oh Rindy, canim, I can't believe it's been three years!
But so thankful that it only seemed like it's been three minutes.

fun little diversion

2007-07-13T09:36:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I really should be productive at the moment, but found this super fun quiz to do! It takes like 30 seconds - here's my results! Although I'm not from the midwest, my Dad is and I've been told I don't really have much of an accent. What do you think?

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The South
The Inland North
The West
The Northeast
Philadelphia
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

You gotta love this!

2007-07-09T16:07:00.000-05:00

Okay, so rarely in life is there something that so clearly encapsulates so many things I'm passionate about. Shoes...Hello! What's not to love about shoes? And Kurds...well, maybe I'm unique in this, but I truly do love Kurdish people. And kids...especially ones needing heart surgery! Besides the fact that I had heart surgery myself when I was a teenager, only a completely compassionless person wouldn't have a "heart" for them. (Man, I am so cheesy!) And well, I can't think of anything much cooler than a business-for-blessing in Iraq. Do you ever look at this world and just feel overwhelmed at the need and despair and can't imagine how you can help? Know that you're supposed to bring Jesus to this world, but don't know how? Well, here's at least one thing you can do. And if you're like me and can't imagine spending more than 20-30 bucks on a pair of shoes, well...this isn't really about you. Or the shoes. And besides, how much money did you spend on gas last month? Or at Target? Or drinking Starbucks? Or on concert tickets? Go ahead, suck it up. You can do it. A teeny little sacrifice won't kill ya. Go ahead. Click on the link. You know you want to.

Two months in retrospect

2007-06-28T15:02:00.000-05:00

For those of you still checking my blog, I applaud you. You're persistence should be commended. I humbly thank you for sticking with me. It's not that nothing has been going on, but rather too many somethings. This will be an attempt to fill you in on the highlights...hope you're getting excited!

May was pretty much filled with busy work stuff. The approaching summer hits with an onslaught for the student ministry minded and onslaught it did! My time was spent getting ready for Senior Recognition, a senior boat trip, camp preparation, camp preparation, camp preparation and a thousand other things I already forgot about. But, the highlight of May was definitely going to Louisville (that's looavull for you foreigners) for Will & Kristi's wedding! It was such a wonderful weekend and HUGE gift from God to me. I didn't think I would be able to go because plane tickets to L'ville are not-so-cheap and I'm not exactly Mrs. Moneybags these days. But, God being rich in mercy and lovingkindness provided an incredible way for me to go. An incredible young and poor married couple decided that since they weren't able to go to the wedding themselves, they would like to help pay for me to go. Wow! So awesome! So, I booked my plane tickets and got excited. Will has been my fellow student ministry guy, friend, brother, goofball for the past couple years so it was very special to be a part of his big day. AND!!!! Kristi is my relatively new (since last summer) dear heart connecting kind of friend and so I wanted to be there for her as well and be in the house party and all that good stuff. My favorite moment of all the wedding festivities was when Kasey and I spur of the moment helped her bustle her dress in a public restroom right before the reception. Ahhh, good times. AND...also so fabulous was that I spent the weekend staying with and catching up with old friends from my seminary days at Southern. I had such a blast staying with my old roommate Alicia and her husband Bo and playing with their two babies who I hadn't even met before! And then I spent some time with Homola Granola (also known as Connie) who used to teach my sunday school class. And I got to eat pizza from my favorite pizza place in the whole world - Tony Boombozz - TWICE. So yummy! AND I got to worship at my old church and see lots of old friends and it was just so refreshing. AND I spent one afternoon with my super special friends Rob and Chandi and their two little girls (who I also met for the first time!) Wow, it was such a great weekend!

So, that pretty much brings us to JUNE. I just thought May was busy. I had no idea. June has pretty much been camp, camp, and more camp for myself and the whole youth crew. But it has been amazing. After lots of long hours, and even longer days, and God being extremely and sweetly gracious to me in exactly the moments when I needed it, all 372 of us finally got on buses and headed to camp about 5 hours away. It was a glorious week with God's favor resting on us in amazing ways. We had fabulous weather at just the right times, I had a great group of kids in my tribe, we had so much fun, the creation was simply breathtaking (God said "Good morning" to me that first Monday morning as the sun peeked over the mountain at me) and God moved in the hearts of our students in a way that left no doubt that it was all Him. So sweet. This year our camp theme was walking through Exodus and one afternoon we all trekked like the Israelites (except for a bit less than 40 years) up the hill about an hour or so, had dinner up on the hill and then trekked the rest of the way to a life-size recreation of the Tabernacle complete with the ark of the covenant and all of the elements and the high priest's proper dress. It was an amazing visual for me that I will never forget. The theme of the week was basically the gospel and how we must live in the gospel every single day. His grace and only His grace is sufficient for us to meet with God. Sins paid for. Once for all. The curtain has been torn. Jesus is the only way. Here's what we memorized during the week...Hebrews 10:19-22 "Therefore brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way, opened for us through the curtain that is his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water." That's it. That's what's we live on. Paid for. Everyday.

Quincy - yep, you know the one - is

2007-05-03T13:25:00.000-05:00

engaged. There's hope for all of us. :)

What to post...

2007-04-30T16:52:00.000-05:00

Strange. Maybe not so strange. I'm sitting here at my computer, actually with time to post, and for the life of me I can't think of anything to post about. Not that my life has been dull lately, actually kind of busy, but maybe it's just too much to write about or perhaps it just seems boring to the rest of the world. Let's see...what's been going on.
1. Moved out of my apartment and in with my sister and brother-in-law and nephew. I was sad about sacrificing the joys of living by myself, but it's been really nice to be part of a family again. So far, so good. Of course, I still have stuff that needs to be unpacked once I figure out where to put it.
2. Oh, the reason I moved back in with my sis (after 2 years or so) is to save money. Lord willing, I'd love to buy a house!
3. Still loving the job. The longer I have this job the more I realize how blessed I am to love being where I am and doing what I do with the people I'm with. Few people have it so good and I'm grateful to be in this spot for now.
4. I'm loving teaching my senior girls on Sunday mornings. I never prepare like I should, but they continue to be a delight - not to sound cheesy, but I just enjoy relationship with them. I'm usually surprised by their drastic swings between great depth and insight one moment and their eyes glazing over the next moment. :) They are such a joy and yet a burden too. My heart just longs for them to really want Him.
5. I just erased the previous entry for number 5 which was about boys and how complicated they are. Actually they really aren't complicated at all, but being a girl, I just like to make them complicated! Perhaps another time.

This blog is just not doing it for me. Should I just erase the whole thing and give up? But that would make the last 15 minutes a complete waste of time with nothing to show for it. So, I'll leave it. Ah...let's see, pictures always make things more fun right - let me see what I got...EUREKA - maybe eureka is a little strong, but I'm going to put up my favorite pics of me with my fam. Sorry if you've already seen 'em. I am shocked to discover that I don't have a single picture on my computer (at least not that I can find) of my nephew - that is pure craziness that must be remedied especially since the bond we have now formed sharing a bathroom. :) First off, my nieces - Lauren, Lindsey, Landri . Adorable stinkers.
My brother Andy - the father of aforementioned stinkers - shocker. I must admit though, he gets sweeter in his old age!
And yes, my baby Carly. Nobody on the planet adores me as much as she does - in my opinion, the number one reason to have a dog.
Mom, wow, she is the best. She comes second to Carly in adoring me and unlike Carly, she has loved me from day one and is probably the most selfless and godly woman I have ever known.

Dad. Again, I have to be amazed at how blessed I am in this world to have a good dad. A rare treasure - and funny too. If you think I'm funny, he's probably why!
Speaking of funny, my sister, Kate. Honestly, I can't imagine living life without a sister. Whether far or near, she's always on my team and there's no one else on the planet I'd rather go to WalMart with. (I'm a bit bothered by that hanging preposition, but it just says what I mean, ya know?)

And Z-man, I promise I'll add you too soon.

Day to day pours forth speech...

2007-04-13T16:32:00.000-05:00

(just a side note: I just saw that you can now blog in Hindi....hmmm....maybe my next post)So, I spent several days last week in Virginia Beach visiting my best friend and her husband. I can't even put into words how refreshing the visit was for me - body, soul, mind, and spirit. It was just such a relaxing, fun, ,and encouraging time. We went to the beach three days in a row and just marveled at the dramatic changes from day to day (including snow and freezing wind one day) and its amazing vastness. Truly, all creation seems to scream of its Creator.

And as for another of God's great gifts, there's nothing like a friend who knows all the ins and outs of you and still thinks you're wonderful, but also not afraid to tell you like it is. That, and just encouraging me to be more Christlike, is an awesome quality in a friend. Thank you Mark and Rebecca for your hospitality, your encouragement, your wisdom, your godly example, your prayers, and for letting me be. Oh...and thanks for making me cry, geez! :) Well, it's been a crazy busy week since I've been back in the real world and so I'll be keeping this short. Here's some of my favorite pics...love it, love it, love it!

Can I just tell you how absolutely frozen we were! At least we had the beach to ourselves!

Such an awesome sight

Just hangin in our cozies looking at photos and just being together.

We are hysterical. Obviously.

Can you get any cuter? Or more in love? I don't think so.

Super cool craftsman guy in Williamsburg.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us

2007-03-30T08:46:00.000-05:00

that we should be called children of God! (I John 3:1) Wow, that's amazing. And today, I'm amazed that because I belong to Him, he gives me lots of sweet little gifts too. And mostly, I'm thankful that today He gave me eyes to see the gifts - because that in itself is marvelous grace. Too often I miss the beauty, but not today! Today I see beauty in things like sitting outside last night enjoying the breeze, Greek food, Greek music in the background, laughter and random but real conversation. I'm thankful for a good night's sleep topped off with sweet dreams. I loved listening to music this morning and reading John 1 and 1 John 1. Putting on my jeans to wear to work on this Friday, it's a teeny little good thing. I loved the 30 minute pause walking my dog on a cool pre-summer morning and hearing birds sing. Seeing my favorite balcony in my apartment complex with their kitschy Easter decorations, plants, table clothed table with their hot sauce where they actually eat, their clock radio, their home country flag hanging. I love thinking about the fact that they actually do life on their balcony! So goofy, but I love walking by this totally pimped out blue shiny long Cadillac with big silver wheels - definitely my favorite car today. The news in an e-mail that one of my friends is moving back to Turkey. Hearing of another friend getting surprisingly engaged. Real friendship, gosh I love that. Just all little bits of gifts - the gift of enjoying this life. Jesus has done so many more valuable and precious things for me, but the fact that He knows me today. That He knows me. That He gifts me enjoyment in Him - that is beauty.

His Word is true. He does satisfy the longing soul and fill the hungry soul with goodness. (Ps107:9) So...has He given you any gifts today?

Men and Women

2007-03-28T09:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I didn't write this and I don't have a clue who Roger is. Actually, I do know a guy named Roger, but I like to refer to him as RajMajal. Anywho, you're going to love this...

A Guy Named Roger

The value of effective communication in a meaningful relationship.......

A guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of commitment that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: ... so that means it was... let's see ... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: he's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a darn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90 day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumbags.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic
fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a darn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Roger", Elaine says aloud.

"What?", says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have .. Oh God, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that ... It's that I ... I need some time", Elaine says.

(There is a 15 second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger", she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering
every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, you've known Elaine longer than I have. Did she ever own a horse?"

Rodeo Rainstorm

2007-03-18T12:29:00.000-05:00

So this past week was spring break. Meaning kids off of school, my sister and brother-in-law both off work (since they are serious educators), and moi stuck in the office! Sad for me! Actually, it wasn't sad at all. I had a great week. The office was super quiet and relaxed. I did some manual labor (just taping before the painters came) in the new youth space, and just kind of chilled in the office. Friday afternoon we all made coke floats (all 5 of us who were here anyway!) And then of course, we made our annual trip to the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo!

Last year was my first time to go in AGES, but it was so much fun, we decided to go again this year. Of course, Houston weather didn't quite seem as excited about the rodeo as we were. There were terrible rainstorms all morning and afternoon, threatening gloom and despair on our best laid plans. But alas, the storm eventually eased and Kasey and I trooped on. (I started writing this on Sunday and finally getting back to it on Wednesday!) Anywho, we had a rip-roarin good time. As I guess the photos prove, I am a Texas girl after all...

Believe it or not, this is Elsie the Cow, as in "THE ELSIE", the Borden Elsie! I'm not kidding, it's really her. She wasn't about to give me the satisfaction of smiling for the pic. She seems a bit snobby at first, but she's actually a real cud-up. Get it - cud up!!! I continue to crack myself up.

The proof's in the stick - yep, I guess I'm not man enough to eat the whole Turkey leg.
It's not a true rodeo experience without eating some really fattening food.

Woman enough to take the cheesy pic - My mom LOVES this one!

My favorite pic of Kasey from the night. She's about to purchase our deep-fried oreos.
I'm telling you -sounds gross, tastes amazing.

Some people say you're either single for a season or single for a reason -
I don't think there's any doubt which one I am...

The Fount

2007-03-02T09:18:00.000-06:00

The other day I was burdened just thinking about several friends who have family members who are running every direction except toward Christ. Heartbreaking. So many people, so many of our kids, deceived by the world, by themselves, ultimately deceived by the enemy into thinking that other things are better than knowing Him. Thinking that sin of all things is better than Him. What! How foolish we are. I had been reading and praying these verses from Proverbs 28...

9If one turns away his ear from hearing the law,
even his prayer is an abomination.
13Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
14Blessed is the one who fears the LORD always,
but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity.

I had been praying that God would have mercy and turn our hearts to the law so that He would hear us. These are kind of hard words, ya know. It doesn't look good for those who turn away from Him and his Law to do their own thing and seek their own way. Scary when you think about it. What will come to them if they don't repent. And so I was just burdened because my friends had tried to speak truth into their friend's lives, but they just wouldn't listen. We try every week to get students to "get it," to see God for who He is, to seek Him, to at least care about knowing Him. And yet, so often it doesn't seem to be working. His Word never returns void, but it's just not always evident to our eyes. But the thing is that all of this is just more proof that it's not about what man can do. It's only about what God can do. Only He can change hearts. Only He can blow on the lives of people. "Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit" Zech. 4:6. That's why we have to pray. That's why even when I don't feel like, we have to pray. There's no other way to see the hearts of people turn to him. It doesn't matter if it's students who have grown up in church in Houston, Texas or the people being loved on by my sweet friends in Afghanistan who are hearing about Jesus for the first time. It's ONLY by the Spirit of God. ONLY He can do it. ONLY He can "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our sins, made us alive together with Christ." ONLY He can cause the blinded to see and the deaf to hear and the dead to live again. We were all dead in our sins before Christ. Obviously, students living here have infinitely greater opportunity to hear and respond to the gospel. Yes, faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. But alas, here or there, it's the same power of God that brings people to Him. Yep, it doesn't take any more power to raise a dead person to life in one place than in another place. He can do it. He wants to. He will do it. He LOVES TO DO IT. He wants it more than we do. So, why do I worry? I don't need to fret at why He's not doing it when and how I want Him to. Why do I doubt Him? He's GOING TO ACCOMPLISH HIS PURPOSE. He just is. Yes, I have to share truth, and yes, I have to pray a ton. But that's just so there's no doubt about it. He's the One that's gonna do it. Not me, not you, not us, not our good ideas, not our programs, not our strategies. He's the fount. He's the source. Just Him. His way. His time. His power. His plan. His glory. period.

In case you haven't heard...

2007-02-23T11:11:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I'm totally wiped out today because I've been crazy busy getting ready for a DNow weekend at Tallowood. This is right where my job ends and everyone else's is just getting going. Anywho, I feel like I've been hit by a truck and can't think straight which is why I'm updating my blog. hmmmm, maybe not a great idea. But alas, I thought I would share fun news which I've known for a while now (since I'm so in the know) but some of you might not have heard yet. Michael's getting engaged! Yea! Let's all clap. I first heard a rumor from one of our favorite English Club friends when I was in Istanbul. I started my intense research into the matter as soon as I returned to the states. Okay, not the minute I got back, but still I did some research. Here's the goods...

June 16, 2007 my good friend, and yours, will marry Lindsay Burkhart.
(as to where the rest of Michael's head is in this picture, I'm not sure,
maybe he's so in love he's lost his head. bwaaaahahahaha)

Wow, okay, so that's not a lot of details, but you see I have a very cryptic source. Michael is actually my source, but he doesn't exactly gush out with all the dramatic details of how they met, when they met, how he felt, how she felt, what he said, what she said, etc. That just makes it more fun for us to fill in all the blanks ourselves. Like it was a dark and stormy night in the plains of Oklahoma. Hmmm, maybe it should be more tornado-ey. Yep, romance novelist I'm not. Yep, like I said, maybe updating the blog with my brain in a fog (wow, poetry is definitely more my thing) was not exactly the greatest idea I've ever had.

Will you be my Valentine?

2007-02-14T11:51:00.000-06:00

Okay, so forget talking about the rest of the weekend, it was great, but not worth talking about any more. What is worth talking about is how wonderfully sweet God has been to be today. I don't at all have time to be doing this, but I guess I feel compelled to share the story! I'll try to keep it brief. This morning was wonderful. I actually woke up on time for starters, enjoyed my frosted shredded wheat cereal with a few frozen blueberries thrown in, opened a cute Valentine's Day card from my folks...with 20 green ones inside, got dressed in my pink socks with message hearts printed on them, my khaki corduroys, and my Tallowood pink t-shirt w/a heart on it, and I was even having a decent hair day on top of all that. I was so enjoying the morning and already thinking I should blog about this and how clever I would word things. Then I walked outside into the brisk air to walk Carly and we got a bit chilly, but still a gorgeous day. Then I toddled out the door with my gifts for a couple friends and then BOOM. Day started to go downhill.

When I went outside my apartment to go to my car, I noticed that a different car was parked where I had left it the night before after my nieces soccer game (they lost 4 to 0 by the way which was sad, but they were playing the team ranked 4th in the nation!) Back to my story, so no car. At first I thought, "Maybe I'm losing my mind and I actually parked somewhere else." Because I just park wherever there's a spot ya know. But the thing is, I distinctively remember parking in a covered spot number 98. I remember this because I didn't want to park in 100 because I knew it belonged to someone. So yeah, I start to panic. I thought it could have possibly been towed because I'm not really supposed to park there, but all these other cars were parked in covered spots and didn't have parking permits either. So, I thought maybe it was stolen. This is crazy in itself because I drive what is the super cool 1992 White Buick LeSabre. Not exactly a hot commodity, or so I thought. But you see, about 2 months ago, someone tried to steal my car when I was at church working one day. Apparently, they like to pimp out cars like mine! Anywho, so that's why I thought it might be stolen. So, I'm figuring out what to do, meanwhile trying not to panic and not to cry. I end up calling two police stations till I find out which precinct I'm in - oh, after being on hold for about 10 minutes! And I have to say the words, "I need to report a stolen vehicle." Now, that is craziness. Oh, and still trying not to cry. All the while thinking what am I gonna do. How will I get to work? I can't buy a car. How will I ever get to work? I'm going to be poor forever. This was my grandmother's car, dang it. I'm so mad. Oh, and praying, Please Lord Jesus! So, I eventually find out that my car has been towed by the apartment complex.

Next step, cry a little bit. Relief and also frustration. Then, call mom who calms me down and prays for me. Next step, finally call the Apartment Office after they've been opened 3 minutes. Bite the girl's head off who answers the phone, but then feel bad because she's only been working there 2 weeks and happens to be over the top sweet to me. Turns out, they didn't actually tow it, but the individual did who's spot I happened to take. "Happy Valentine's Day to You, Don't Park in My Spot! Lot's of Love, Bitter Person" So yeah, then I call two different numbers and find where my car is and sigh with relief that it's not stolen. That's where the day starts to get better...Here's part of an e-mail update I sent to my mom and dad...

"Well, yes, stressful morning, but God is being so amazingly sweet already! Here’s the update...

I called the place that has my car which so happens to probably 10-15 minutes from Tallowood – of all the city lots in Harris County – that is great. The cost is $157 if I get it by midnight. Ouch.

I called Annetta to see if she could take me to work. No answer.

I cried a little bit for the first time.

I called Jerome to see if he would come pick me up. He agreed and said he was already on the road and would come get me in about 5 minutes and I said I’d meet him at the front.

I take Carly out...for the third time...And walked toward front.

Jerome called back and said Jan was in the area and would come get me in about 15 minutes so don’t wait in the cold.

I waited inside the apartment office and didn’t tell them who I was. J

Jan showed up a few minutes later and we had a delightful drive in to work.

I saw Kasey when I came in who gave me hug cuz she’d heard from Jerome already about it.

As I walked down hallway, Betsy stopped me and said, “I’m so sorry. What happened.” I mentioned to her the $157 and then she said the church would pay for it. I said they don’t need to and she said, yeah, we want to. She’s going to get the cash for me. I told her she was going to make me cry.

I came to my desk with a card on my desk with my name typed on it. Inside it said typed “Our family is thankful for you on Valentine’s Day.” With $50 cash! No name.

Then Kasey came in and we exchanged our Valentine’s gifts. She got me cute heart ankle socks, a red t-shirt with gold hearts on it, and some tights. And a sweet card. Too fun.

Kasey is going to take me to get my car sometime this afternoon.

So, I’m guessing God has been working overtime and ahead of time to redeem my day already. Wow, amazing. Amazing.

Jerome said when I first told him this morning, he immediately thought it was the enemy because he was just telling some folks at a meeting on Monday night that because we are getting ready for this big youth discipleship weekend, that don’t be surprised at difficulties in the next couple weeks. Yep, that blasted enemy. But, oh what a bigger and more amazing God!!!!!!!! And still...I’m so thankful that Red Velvet wasn’t stolen!"

Oh, and 5 minutes later, we had a once a quarter office birthday party and had tons of goodies, cookies, pigs in a blanket, apples w/caramel, etc...Why, oh why is God so good to me. Yep, going to go pick up my car now. :)

Weekends

2007-02-11T12:35:00.000-06:00

tad long for us. And I'll have to tell you more about the weekend later cuz she's here....Here's aOkay, so this is going to be a lame post, because any minute now my friend Kasey is going to walk in and demand that we head to lunch. Forget the fact that I've been waiting on her for half an hour. When she's ready, she's ready. (love you girl!) Anywho, since I don't have time to muster up some deep topic to write about, let's just say I've had a marvelous weekend. I am so blessed to be one of those fortunate souls who loves their job, but still the weekend break from the office is a joy. Friday night I went to a fundraising Piano concert and banquet at church. I got to sit with my adopted family - Jerome, Jan, and Ashley. The food was incredible and Ash and I had more fun than should be allowed sending text messages when the piano playing got to be a random photo just to reward you for checking in with me... A photo of my mom and pop when they got married!

Get your news here!

2007-02-01T10:03:00.000-06:00

Hey, no new news on Hakan and Turan, but if you want more details about the situation you can check here... http://www.compassdirect.org/en/display.php?page=lead〈=en&length=long&idelement=4752&backpage=

Monday evening update...

2007-01-29T14:42:00.000-06:00

Update on Hakan and Turan

Here's the lastest from a friend...

The trial went very well today and without incident. The police were ready and made plans to get Hakan and Turan in and out of the courthouse without problems. Several reporters and a few dozen nationalists were waiting outside the courthouse while the trial went on for an hour (like last time, no press or visitors were allowed in the courtroom). After the trial, and unbeknownst to the press and nationalists (but known to us), the police escorted Hakan, Turan, and their lawyer out the back door of the courthouse and safely to their car before anyone knew about it. A few minutes later, the prosecuter, Kerincsiz, and his followers came out the front door and left without giving a press conference. They appeared to be angry and it was probably because things had not gone so well for them in the courtroom. We learned that the prosecution’s main witness had been caught lying and even Kerincsiz was caught in a lie. When asked where the other two witnesses were, Kerincsiz told the judge that they could not get permission to leave their high school to be there. The judge responded that the schools are on winter break. Reports are that Kerincsiz was glowing like Rudolf’s nose.

Unfortunately the case was not thrown out, so Hakan and Turan will be back in court on April 18th. However, despite this bit of bad news, today’s trial did go well on all other counts and we can be thankful that there was no violence or other incidents.

Thank you for your prayers.

There will likely be a newspaper write up about it tomorrow which I will post a link to if you are interested in reading more about it.

Please pray

2007-01-29T09:18:00.000-06:00

Pray for our Friends

Please intercede for Hakan and Turan, two Turkish Christians who face their second trial on Monday, January 29. There have been no new developments in regards to the actual trial—no new evidence (which means no evidence at all), no new charges, and no acquittal. However, Kemal Kerincsiz, the infamous ultranational lawyer who was at the last trial, is getting much bad press in light of the murder of the Turkish/Armenian journalist, Hrant Dink, in Istanbul last week. Kerincsiz had brought Article 301 charges (insulting Turkishness) against Dink in the past few years and many blame him for fanning the flames of hatred toward Armenians and other minorities that resulted in this murder. Unfortunately, Hakan and Turan have a connection with Dink in that they too are minorities being harassed with Article 301 charges by Kerincsiz. This could also make them a target of ultranational violence. This is not meant to be alarmist, but to call everyone to fervent prayer for all aspects of this trial.

A few prayer points:
Pray that God would use this trial for His good.

Pray that Hakan and Turan would stand strong in the face of lies, intimidation, persecution, and insult.

Pray that Hakan’s wife, Esay, would have peace and endurance throughout the trial.

Pray that justice would prevail and they would be acquitted on Monday.

Pray that there would be no escalation of violence or protests after the trial.

Pray that God would use this trial for His good.

We all hope that God would work in ways we cannot imagine and that He would accomplish great things for His glory as a result of this trial.

Thank you for your prayers.

*I borrowed this from a friend.

Turkey

2006-12-15T13:24:00.000-06:00

Cok Guzeldi! I had an incredible trip to Turkey over the week of Thanksgiving. It was wonderful spending time with some of my favorite folks, eating fabulous Turkish food, enjoying the Bosphorous, tromping around my Besiktas, and more or less just soaking in all that is Turkey. Gosh, I miss that place (at least most things!) Here's just a sample of pics...

Cute as cute could be!

I miss you Jen - especially walking arm in arm and having people try to talk to us in English!

Jen and Semih about to enjoy delish Iskender!

I'm praying for you ladies!

7 Rebes plus 3 Paulds plus 2 Blays equals way too much fun decorating gingerbread cookies!

One of my original Adapazari friends, Seyfi - except now he's all grown up and dignified! It was so much fun to see him!

S'mores and more s'mores and even more laughs!

I seriously heart these two! They're kids are cute as ever except lots lots taller. :)

My dear dear friend Selma and her cok tatli nephew! I love you Selma and am praying for you!

Saved the best for last...My hero, Lynette and I on the lovely boat ride to Eminonu. I had such a wonderful time sharing life with you and the fam for a week. Love.